I'm going to repost something that I posted last night over on my thread. It applies to my situation, but I feel parts of it would apply to you as well:
Yes, I do think my wife is coming around a bit. For a long time after the bomb I was going out of my way to support her. Financially, Emotionally and Physically (helping her with problems... even going over to her place and plunging the toilet).
So she had this fantasy life in mind where she was going to live this 'totally free and independent life' and keep me as a best friend forever. Basically it was like being married, except no committment on her part and no sex.
So I kept engaging in R talks with her, trying to <tell> her that D would suck... It never worked. She just kept pushing further and further down the divorce path.
Then one day I 'dropped the rope'. And many people say that is when the LBS gets back 'the power'. It was totally true for me. I stopped helping her. I still listened, if she called me, and validated. But I stopped calling her. When she talked about problems, I stopped volunteering to fix them. I stopped telling her what I was doing in my life. I stopped telling her what the kids did when they were at my house.
When she asked, I told her that I was moving forward with my life, with or without her.
For awhile, she got pretty pissed and kind of crazy. She was pissed because her fantasy was evaporating and I wouldn't play along. But I just ignored all that and pushed onwards. Pretty soon, she gave up and realized that things were going to suck if we were divorced.
Now suddenly things don't look so good for her fantasy life. The last week she has noticably warmed up and has stopped all mention of D. Hmmm...
So I'm not sorry I spent those initial months being very supportive. I feel better knowing that I tried. But after awhile it became obvious that was a cheeseless tunnel.
It's just so basic: Monitor and Adjust.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
