Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

[phbear316]

Journal for me

How do you do it, how do you just walk away?

I let the cat out of the bag yesterday with stbex, I got the typical phone call hrs before he is leaving to do something with either ow or his family.

He calls and says oh by the way, thought i would give you a heads up I am going to fla tomorrow and coming back early friday am.

So I take a deep breath, and say well I am moving out friday am. He says to me, your moving out? yes.....what are you taking is what I get? Dining room set....Oh and the bedroom set. No, I am not talking that don't want our marital bed.

I say I am sorry I had to tell you this way, I did not want to. Then he says well what about the house, what are you going to contribute to it? My reply was we will talk about it H, we will talk about it.

I find myself between anger, and hurt. Now all of a sudden H you now want to talk, you now want to know what I am doing to help you pay the bills at the house which for the last few months you have had no problem with. Now your suprised I am leaving? How much longer was I supposed to sit and wait for you to either make the move, file? THis whole thing has been going on since 2006. How many more days, weeks, months, years am I to wait.

How much more disrespect am I to take? YOu now have gotten so bold to talk to her on the phone when I am in the other room and can hear every word? To watch you walk you the door to someone else to come home from being with someone else? How much longer H? You cannot look me in the eye anymore, you cannot talk to me about the weather, but non stop texted me wanting to know if I was taking the cat.

This am, i started the shower he was already done, I came back out of the bathroom and said to him, well have a safe flight and have a good time. I got back yea have a nice holiday.

I cried the whole time in the shower, why?

I hate confrontations and did not want to get into the whole thing with him last night or this am. I came home right from work hoping he would want to talk, nope he was with GF cause he would not see her for OMG 3 days.

I know and believe in my heart of the title of my stich, sometimes goodbye is a second chance. I deserve this second chance, just afraid that someday there will never be someone again in my life.
Guess I am just riding that emotional rollercoaster of the big D

thanks to all who read and let me vent

hugs
bear