Uhmmmm, Antibiotics can make for really quick apparent recoveries from strep! And if they actually did a culture, and diagnosed it, she had strep. For all of her other faults, I don't think this is one of them. The bet with S10 was a really bad idea! But you knew that!
I think that things are a little less black and white in this word, as compared with when you were deployed. My S20 has been having trouble adjusting (in my opinion) from his recent deployment to Africa. I'm not saying in the least that D18 isn't manipulative, and probably a thief, and that your W is a raving lunatic. Just that on top of all that, you are still adjusting to the "real" world, as well. I don't know what to do about that, other than to realize that it's there.
Good point about my readjustment. Without going through all of it, a got a series of bizarre, stories in several text messages before she went out; an old boyfriend's mother called her asking her to come to the house and get a dog that had run out of the yard. What time would I be home? (So I could drive her there) I was at a work-related meeting. This was 9PM! Then another text how this old boyfriend "magically just got home from college" and she was going out to see him!
I guess I'm furious that all D18 seems to do is USE me and lie. Yeah, bad idea about the bet! I did it in anger.
FLTC, can I cheer you up by telling you that your D18 stories make ME feel better? I get so frustrated with my D18.....but after reading your posts I realize maybe it goes with the territory!!! UGH!!! (((FLTC)))
Thanks for being my pal while I was in my cave copying every bit of appropriate bills and statements that spouse's lawyer asked for. I still don't have it all.. ugh.. and it's due today.
You're right.. this sucks. When the bomb first shocked with me awe and whatever the second thing is.. something bad would happen, like my car getting stuck in a hidden sink hole. I'd cry out.. "My car is stuck AND I'm being divorced!" The divorce and rejection by spouse added insult to injury.
Right now it sounds like everything that happens which would usually be manageable has the volume PUMPED wayyyy up because of the divorce and your wife being with another guy.
Injustice sucks. Having the rug pulled out from under you, sucks. It hurts and rips your heart out. It's unfair. It's stressful. I can't even imagine what it's like coming back from putting your life at risk in a foreign country to all this.
You have a choice. Be angry and let your emotions be your guide. Or.. what was really tough for me.. send blessings to her every time you get annoyed or mad at her. It really helps you over time to let go of the pain and bitterness and lets your heart, mind and soul heal.
In my case, I'm a cliche. Stay at home mom for 20 years, tossed the career aside to raise the kids based on a long term commitment to marriage.. husband who's mistress was his job.. we both found comfort in our respective roles... mine as caretaker, his as provider. He changed the rules of the marriage without telling me making us 'roommates' and eventually found satisfaction secretly over an extended period with a woman 17 years younger and moved right in with her when he bolted without leaving a forwarding address and denial that there was anyone else. Now he spends at most an hour a week with the kids, if that.
This Thursday will be the anniversary of their supposed 'first date' while he was still my husband... or maybe it was last week.
Guess what.. she played a part in all this, but he was the one who left. He's the one my emotion was focused on. On reflection, our marriage broke.. me continually asking what was wrong, asking to go to counseling was met with a deaf ear. He chose how to compartmentalize until he popped like a inflamed infected boil.
It broke, it wasn't fixed. He's gone, I'm not constantly ill like I've been for the past 4 years. Life, except for the financial insecurity, is better.
In my case, the more I let go, the more I sent blessing and good wishes, the better I felt.. even though it was very hard at the time. My first blessing to spouse was wishing a herd of camels to him.. with all the mess included.
Try being your best friend for while. You're worth it..
What a clusterf#ck. Sounds like a real bad day. Hope the board meeting was at least civil. Oh, yeah, you have a job on top of all this, right?
One thing about D18...remember to think of her as a STUDENT sometimes. Take a step back, and look to the developmental psych that you know. She is in selfish-mode right now. Her brain isn't fully cooked yet, and she will be making lots of mistakes and illogical choices. (I think back to Bill Cosby's stand-up on kids). She won't always be like this...and hey, if she was a pleasure to be around all the time, it would be harder for you to send her back off to college! Just keep being the example, and keep lines of communication open. I hope you calmly talk to her today about why you were so upset last night and literally closed the door...she may not seem to care or listen, but she WILL be hearing you, even if she doesn't remember or apply it until later.
I'm done with work this afternoon, then should be around. Call anytime...
Thanks, ladies. Gyps, I pity my STBX. She is super-insecure, controlling, bitter and angry.
I think Jeff may be on to something. There is an article today on the front page of the USA Today about a one-star general suffering from PTSD.
He never saw anyone turned into "dissociated remains", the military's description of what's left when an Iranian-produced EFP incinerates a vehicle in Iraq, nor did I, but we both lived through mortar and rocket attacks, flights where you are "White knuckled" the whole way, and other insults to the psyche.
Like me, he had trouble sleeping and loud noises freaked him the fu*k out. That being said, I would not have missed one day serving in Iraq. I would not give anything less than 500% every day if I went back. Going to war saved my life! Weird, huh? The ultimate detaching and confidence re-building activity. experience.
Mix one part mild PTSD FLTC; Toss in an angry, hyper-insecure, controlling STBXW, with a still-married 61 year old lawyer (eeeyeeww!; Slowly swirl in an eating disorder daughter, and one completely self-centered, lying, stealing, demanding D18; Mix with my favorite holiday, stir (never shake) and Voila!
Thanks for entertaining my return to sarcasm and cynicism! I'm over it and moving out with my day!
I don't see how anyone can come back without some level of PTSD, or at the very least a challenge in readjusting. My son was not in a combat zone, the most dangerous thing his unit did was kill a porcupine family. (Though under the circumstances, I think the adrenaline release was probably HUGE!) But he has had trouble adjusting to the non-military nature of the "real" world. He wants all fo the answers NOW, and doesn't want to wait for them. He is used to knowing what he si doing tomorrow, of next week, or even next month. And now, he doesn't know. I don't think he sees it, but it really puts him on edge.
Other than the stealing part, I'm not sure D18 is much different than any 18 year old. They know everything, just ask them! And the world turns around them. Pick your battle carefully.
Hey FLTC We all react to stimili in a different manner. The Army had written many fine books on the cognitive responses of personnel in a combat zone.
Years ago I read a long article about the #2 CIA operative in Somolia who was in country for the entire duration of our involvement and displayed symptoms of PTSD. He like many leaders went 500mph day in and day out and simply burnt out. At the writing he was on a disability but had to fight for it.
Many of search and occasionally are luck to retrieve a glimpse of the intensity of emotions upon return experienced day in and day out in theater. It is the major draw of the Motorcycle gangs who replenish their ranks with young veterans attempting to recapture that intensity.
Once we acquire the research skills of how and why things as PTSD, marriage breakups, and such we understand and can soften their negative impact. Once one understands Why my mind cannot concentrate, why on the 4th you kiss the deck, and why one did not make that emotional connection with the spouses we can take steps to simply make things better for all involved.
This is a dry way of not necessarily avoiding emotions but understanding them so one can respond properly. There were days I simply hid a few years back cause I knew what went in my head was not rational. Who knows the damage that could have occured.
Divorce is a severe shock to the sense of security and ego. It is more disabling than most physical injuries and takes longer to heal. There will be times one will just have to sit and rest and for a returning Veteran that is difficult.
Once the deed is done you are going to feel like to jump back on the saddle and get on with your life. You probabaly will receive many offers from fine ladies for company and much advice to get going. Sitting still for a spell and probably a long spell where you appear to coast will allow the inner self to repair or at the least scar over.
You will go through the process of sitting still appearing burnt out sooner or later. It is best to do it without the pressure of a new committed relationship however it will happen reguardless.
Reguards
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Just keep being the example, and keep lines of communication open.