PM Thread #2

[Can it work]

Although I'm a great believer in DB and find its advice invaluable, I'm not sure that it can apply in every single situation. You say that if you push for honesty, you know your R will suffer. Maybe you don't have to push for that honesty but I do think you have to set some boundaries for your H and stick to them. At the moment it seems as though he's walking all over you. That's not acceptable behaviour. You've accepted the fact he's spending time with the OW but I don't think you have to or should accept the lies. I'm not a C so I'm certainly not qualified to go against their advice but it seems to me that all you're being told to do is wait while he has his cake and eats it. You can keep working on you as much as you can and he may or may not take note and act on a new found love for you. I think what you need to do is either detach from your H some more (something I know you find very hard) or confront his lying. We all feel your pain here and want nothing but the best for you. I wish I had all the answers to give you or could click my fingers and make your H see sense. You sound like such a genuine, caring person and don't deserve to be treated like this. You need to find yourself though. When I say that I mean that you need to discover who you are without your H. Start to live your life like you had no H. Easier said than done I know. We all know you want to keep your M alive but the state it's in now isn't helping you. He has to believe that you can live your life quite happily without him. More appropriate though, is that you have to start to believe it too. Don't give up by any means but if you plan for the worst, you can only come out pleasantly surprised. Best of luck. I'll be thinking of you.