Maybe I should be in piecing part 4?

[Hope4us]

Here is an edited version. There was some pretty personal stuff in there that I'm not sure I even want to share in an anonymous forum but this is the gist of it.


W,

I know I told you I wouldn’t bring up any of this stuff until you were ready to talk about it and I’m going to mostly honor that promise. I’m not expecting a reply to this note, but there are some things I need to say.

First, I had a great time this past weekend. And on my drive in the park on Saturday morning I had a lot of time to think, and yes cry. But I don’t think they were tears of sorrow. But more tears of finally letting go of some anger and tears of forgiveness. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget, but maybe that’s not a bad thing.

EDITED PARAGRAPH REMOVED


I’m making an assumption here, but I’ll assume none the less. You’re scared. You’re scared to try and you’re scared not to try. Because if you try with me it means letting go of something that was special to you, but if you don’t try you’re going to hurt a lot of people you care for deeply. And I get that. I really do. But I’m scared too W. I’m going to live the rest of my life knowing that there is someone out there that my wife felt so strongly about that she was willing to risk everything for them. I’m scared because studies have shown that once someone has an affair that the odds of them having another one are higher than if they hadn’t had one in the first place, especially if the underlying reasons for the affair are not dealt with. So yes, I’m freakin scared. Scared of the possibility of it happening again. Scared of putting myself out there to only be crushed again.

But the reward for taking that risk is worth it to me. The reward is a marriage where we’re both completely happy. The reward is sitting together holding hands watching our son’s get married. And holding our grandchildren together when they’re born and then taking them to Disney and spoiling them rotten. And growing old together. Will it take a lot of work? Hell yes. Will it be painful? Double hell yes. We’ve both got a lot of things to face up to. But none the less, it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Will you take that risk with me?

I know I can’t force you to make the decision to take that chance. And I know I can’t force you to do the things I know need to be done to give us a chance. Only you can decide if and when to do that. So I’m going to just keep loving you without any expectations and if there comes a point where I can’t do that any longer, I’ll just cross that bridge when I get there.

I also know I told you I wasn’t going to say “I love you” because I don’t want there to be any pressure on you. But I am going to say it. I love you. I think I finally get just what that means. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to understand that.

Ok, call me all the names you want. I know I'm a weinie, I know I went soft, but it was just something I felt in my gut I needed to say.