Thanks for being my pal while I was in my cave copying every bit of appropriate bills and statements that spouse's lawyer asked for. I still don't have it all.. ugh.. and it's due today.
You're right.. this sucks. When the bomb first shocked with me awe and whatever the second thing is.. something bad would happen, like my car getting stuck in a hidden sink hole. I'd cry out.. "My car is stuck AND I'm being divorced!" The divorce and rejection by spouse added insult to injury.
Right now it sounds like everything that happens which would usually be manageable has the volume PUMPED wayyyy up because of the divorce and your wife being with another guy.
Injustice sucks. Having the rug pulled out from under you, sucks. It hurts and rips your heart out. It's unfair. It's stressful. I can't even imagine what it's like coming back from putting your life at risk in a foreign country to all this.
You have a choice. Be angry and let your emotions be your guide. Or.. what was really tough for me.. send blessings to her every time you get annoyed or mad at her. It really helps you over time to let go of the pain and bitterness and lets your heart, mind and soul heal.
In my case, I'm a cliche. Stay at home mom for 20 years, tossed the career aside to raise the kids based on a long term commitment to marriage.. husband who's mistress was his job.. we both found comfort in our respective roles... mine as caretaker, his as provider. He changed the rules of the marriage without telling me making us 'roommates' and eventually found satisfaction secretly over an extended period with a woman 17 years younger and moved right in with her when he bolted without leaving a forwarding address and denial that there was anyone else. Now he spends at most an hour a week with the kids, if that.
This Thursday will be the anniversary of their supposed 'first date' while he was still my husband... or maybe it was last week.
Guess what.. she played a part in all this, but he was the one who left. He's the one my emotion was focused on. On reflection, our marriage broke.. me continually asking what was wrong, asking to go to counseling was met with a deaf ear. He chose how to compartmentalize until he popped like a inflamed infected boil.
It broke, it wasn't fixed. He's gone, I'm not constantly ill like I've been for the past 4 years. Life, except for the financial insecurity, is better.
In my case, the more I let go, the more I sent blessing and good wishes, the better I felt.. even though it was very hard at the time. My first blessing to spouse was wishing a herd of camels to him.. with all the mess included.
Try being your best friend for while. You're worth it..
