Ready to GAL...Drop the Rope...Detach..3...

[ddstartingover]

I realized after my last post that I've been here for almost a year. I have learned SO much about myself and the mistakes that I've made. Despite the fact that I still feel stuck when it comes to moving forward without H, and that ALWAYS gets worse when I'm hormonal, I have made some progress.

I have found some things that I like to do----just for me, and I know NOW how important that is. I friend of mine talked me into joining a weight loss center with her, and I am seeing a decrease on the scale. Unfortunately my beinning weight was at an all time high, and I have a ways to go. I feel good about making progress.

I am almost completely off AD's. (I have about a handful left and I'm taking one about every two days to use them up/wean off of them. So, I should feel pretty good that I'm not in bed sobbing all day, every day.

I suck at DB. I've tried and failed so many times. I think I'll get the book out one more time..............................

I have three beautiful children that I am thankful for every day.

BUT...........I resent having to share them with my H when he is so obviously screwed up. I let him set the schedule----he gets them Mon. and Tues. nights AND every other weekend. So, the way the calender works, when he has them Monday and Tuesday, the weekend (but not Sunday night----I requested every Sunday night), and then Monday/Tuesday again there is a 10 day stretch where I get my kids for 3 mights out of 10. It seems so unfair, and I HATE IT!!! At first I thought I could live with it since I was so convinced it would be temoporary, but now that I'm not.............I need to get this changed.

I miss my M. I miss my H. I worry about my H and his health. I KNOW he is abusing alcohol. I don't know for how long...........My C said that alcohol could explain everything. I fluxuate between feelings of anger (about the situation and everything) and extreme sadness (because I KNOW my H has a problem that I can't help with), and desperation (because things seem so out of control).

Upside - thank you once again for the encouragement.