It has been a while and thought I would share how things have been going. The past month has been a good month if you will. W and I have been spending a lot of time together. I can feel that she is gaining more trust and feeling more comfortable around me. We started going on a very long walk one day a week. These walks are very relaxing, we talk like we are best friends, both enjoying them very much. Around end of Oct. we had a couple dinner dates where I made different soups. She would leave the recipes out on the table in the morning and when I got there I would go to store and get stuff. It woudl be done for her when she got home from work. This seemed to work very well for us. She was filling in her daily homework even before I could get to it. That is a change from when I would leave it out on the table as a hint for her. I also started dating two weeks ago. I noticed that W became a bit jealous. This was a great feeling, felt like I had some "power" now. A week later I took one of our dogs to California to a dog trial. This was huge for both me and W. First for me, going there alone, following through with the trainging and not asking her for help. For W it was a huge trust builder as this dog is her "baby". She would call us every night to get updates and text a couple times a day as well. Even told me before we left she would miss both the dog and me. The same time I was taking the dog her mother was in town. This was my chance to show how my anger issue's have been doing. Day before she got here I cleaned the house spotless. Bought flowers and put them in the guest bedroom, guest bathroom, and W's bedroom and bathroom. MIL came the next morning and thanked W for the flowers. W said she didn't put them there, told her I had. MIL gave a funny look and walked away not saying a thing. Next day I needed to pick up the dog for training. MIL left for a bit and while she was gone I picked up dog from W. Had a great conversation while I was there, brought her her fav coffee. MIL gets home after I leave and W tells her not to worry about dog getting into food. MIL asked why, W told her I had the dog. Another funny look and silence. Next day W told MIL that I would be out to take care of the livestock and the dogs(4). MIL wasn't happy with this but didn't get in the way. I am very proud of W for finally standing up to her mother. This is the first time since I have know W that she has done this. So I come back from California. The whole trip home I felt like I didn't want to go back that something wasn't right. Well I should listen to my gut. Get home, W goes for a run. I go to take out the garbage and there is a condom wrapper in the garbage. Now I have known that she has been with OM on and off since July. This time hurt veru bad. Not sure why it hurt me this time but I lost it. Sromed out of the house, she called and asked where I went. Ended up coming back and confronting her about it. She wouldn't say a thing. Told her how hurt I was and how selfish I feel that she won't put the effort into "us" that she is into OM. Well this started a three day fight that more of less ended in our coaching session. Told her I can't do this if she continues to see OM. She gets very defensive and says that she doesn't trust me now because I got angry about this. ??? I did get angry but never in the way I have in the past. I expressed my feelings but never raised my voice or said demeaning things to her. Kinda feel I have the right to get a bit upset about this! So in coaching she says we need to stop seeing each other so much. She says only two days a week now. Had been up to five. This has been a huge blow to me and I know we have taken a step back but I see so there is hope. She even admitted last coaching and this coaching that there is hope. The past week she has called me and just chatted. Even called me while I was at work and asked how my day was. Hasn't done that for a very long time, over a year. When she has called its not the quick call, it lingers. You know when you just talk about nothing and then there is silence, but comfortable silence. No rush to get off phone. This has me all very confused. I am finally starting to get a life by dating and spending more time on me. I know this is helping. The issue I have is the OM. I am having a very hard time dealing with this. Lost ten pounds in a week and only had six hours of sleep total that whole week. Not good for me at all. Roller coaster!! Am I on the right track by getting a life but still holding on to hope? I feel and see the hope yet I don't know how long I can with the OM in the picture. Sorry for such a long post. B
