I've been away since my last thread locked, but it was good for me to be on my own for a bit. I've really enjoyed the past few days of doing nothing but things related to me and getting my financial and personal life into shape. Needless to say, I feel very good and had a wonderful day today.
Today, I stayed in b/c my car had issues last night and I needed to take it to the mechanic to figure out what was wrong. I feared the alternator or an electrical issue under the dash, but luckily it was nothing more than a dead battery. Now, you may think I'm stupid for not thinking of this first, and it wouldn't be the first time I've been considered to be stupid. However, the battery was only a month old, so I didn't even think there was a shot at it being the problem. Well, I got the one lemon battery in the bunch, so long story short, I didn't have to spend a dime today on my car.
So, my car was fixed as of 9 am, so the rest of the day was mine. I had my classes covered so I didn't worry about going in and instead made some calls on my finances, visited the bank about a line of credit, and hit the gym, not once, but twice. Once to run hard for an hour and the second time to lift.
I then talked to my D and took my dog to the dog park for some social time. He had a blast and it was at the park where I had the breakthrough of sorts that led to my latest title.
See, I was talking to another Italian Greyhound owner who breeds his girls and he mentioned what a shame it was that my little guy was fixed. I replied "it was my ex-wife's idea to fix him."
That made me think. It was her idea and she got her way. I started to think some more and realized it was always her way on everything. I'm not just spewing sour grapes here, but being really honest. Every decision we made had to be approved by her or it wasn't made. PERIOD!
It was such a wonderful and uplifting moment for me. I know a relationship w/ my XW is unhealthy for me and now I understand how lucky I truly am as this may very well be a blessing in disguise. It has been a tough one to swallow - and I'm still trying to choke some of it down - but now I understand why this needed to happen.
I was forced to be "free" in order to finally be able to do the things for me. I now understand I can become whomever and whatever I wish w/no one holding me back but myself. All my thoughts, dreams and ideas that were snuffed out while I was allowing my XW to control everything can bloom and blossom.
Needless to say, I've found today to be extremely uplifting and it does seem like some sort of weight is finally off my shoulders - although I'd rather call the XW an albatross.
So, I've been away, but it is my time now. I am going to try to focus my energy on being a better me and a better dad. I can only pray to remember this feeling and use it keep me going forward every day and try to make the most of whatever opportunities I have out there.
Thus, I'm now tired and looking forward to sleep. I'm anxious to see how I feel in the morning as it would be a welcomed change to want to get out of bed in the morning.
