Treese, You sound better today. Since the family wants the photo removed, by all means, get a new one taken. Also, here's a suggestion...why not make a memory book of all of the new traditions that you and your family are making this holiday season? It's a nice little treasure that you and your family will enjoy in the years to come and you will have many, many good memories.
Your son is concerned about you. He's now the man of the house and wants to ensure that you are home safe and sound. He also may be worried that you aren't going to return. You are the one true, stable adult in his life right now. You may need to sit down and reassure him that you are going to return and that you have to go out once in a while for a change of scenery, just as he does when he is in sports activities.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You sound so good!!!!! Keep doing what you are doing. I bet your H was shocked. He probably thinks that you are at home just crying your eyes out. I know when I started doing things it bothered my H but he never said anything until he came home.
As for the pics. I took ours down too. Put up something else in it's place. H noticed right away and said something about it. He knew at that point that I was changing and wanted my own things in MY house.
I hope that makes sense. I am kind of rambling today! LOL
The picture is definately going to be changed..I will take pictures of me and the kids as well...wow wouldn't H be shocked coming into MY house with a picture on the wall of ME and the kids...he wouldn't say anything but it would hit him...
I guess I still don't understand how someone who was so involved in his childrens lives suddenly changes and can go days without even talking to them...makes me want to spit....but just think of all he is missing...I will hold all those memories in my head while he has nothing....kind of sad....
As for my son...he is definately afraid I'm not returning...I've tried to tell him I'll never leave him but he's used to me being here with him all the time...I have to get out...I'll go crazy in here all the time now...it's like I get all worked up and I need out of my cage...to vent...or whatever...
My H probably saw me yesterday with my friend and said, "it's about time she moves on"...I can't stay home and cry anymore...its time for me to be happy again...and I'm on my way..
And the other night another (male) friend looked at me and said, "you looked beautiful tonight"...made me smile
Maybe I can attact others....who knows....I am waiting to be served...I just feel like he's going to do it...he met with his so called attorney last week, so I'm sure he talked about the D...that's probably why we didn't hear from him....I hope he's losing sleep over this like I have been...I know I can't change it so I'm trying to deal with it....but sometimes those thoughts of his first OW creep into my head and I start to cry...what did I do to make this happen....
Son and I put up some Christmas decorations...he get so excited to do that..Christmas morning will definately be different but hopefully my children and I will have some good memories that we will cherish....I'm sure a few tears will be shed but hugs will take care of that....I plan on telling my children they are the loves of my life and from now on our family will be strong....for each other....we have to.. we're all we have....I am going to have a friend of mine take pictures of me with the kids and give them each one for Christmas with a special poem for just them... Its funny how our children bring us together...we bring them into this world and they end up taking care of us in more ways than we think....
Take care everyone....MAH!!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
"Its funny how our children bring us together...we bring them into this world and they end up taking care of us in more ways than we think...."
This is soo true, my kids literally saved my life and I often think it has been a role reversal. My d sometimes sounds like my mum--she is older than yours tho.
As for this "I guess I still don't understand how someone who was so involved in his childrens lives suddenly changes and can go days without even talking to them..." Treese you have to come to terms with the fact that you may never know the answer to this. My x was a good Dad and thought the world of his kids, now he has no contact at all. After 8 years he saw his daughter 2 hrs, 1 son for half an hour and the other son not at all. He got a text for his 30th birthday the first in 8 years. Do you think I will ever understand that-no. I gave up trying for the sake of my sanity and you must too. Continue on your path, you cannot help him now. I am pleased you are getting out, keep it up.
Treese - I signed on to check in on you. I'm glad you have some things to help you look up. We have a lot in common as we approach the holidays. Unfortunately, I never got that family photo----I always wanted one, but my H wasn't "in to" that kind of thing, so I never made him do it. I guess it would only be harder to look at if I had one now.
I told my kids that I wasn't looking forward to the holidays. A few days passed and my D15 asked when could we go get our tree. D11 spoke up and said, Mom doesn't want a tree. I said NO---I do want to decorate, I want a tree, the holidays will just be really hard for me, because all of this is still bothering me. I still have a problem with being separated. My kids were silent. Nothing. NO, I don't want them to break down and spend days crying (like I do), but silence is just how H is reacting and I think it is so wrong! How come I am THE only one that seems to be having such a problem with this!!!
OK, sorry to vent. I guess I need to go post on my thread.
I think we both need to go out of our way to make the holidays something wonderful.................hang in there!!
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
"As for this "I guess I still don't understand how someone who was so involved in his childrens lives suddenly changes and can go days without even talking to them..."
Treese: They go into the tunnel and withdraw from reality, the real world and live in their fantasy world for however long it takes.
Right now my h is, we think, in the withdrawal stage and for now we have to let him be which is a good thing as that is what is needed to get thru this stage.
Yes, be thankful for your kids as I know you are.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Well....more hurdles.....I was talking to D16 yesterday after school....told her I was hanging out with friends, one being a male..we are friends but you know kids....the reason I told her is because we were with people who have kids who know my D...I wanted to be honest with her and not have her surprised by it....she looked at me and said, "are you dating"...I said, "No".. and so it began... I explained that I will always love her dad...he has my heart but he is happy right now with OW...she said, "mom, he's not happy"...I said, "he told me he is"..she said, "I don't care what he says, he's not happy"...I said, well, the only thing he told me he wasnt' happy about was his relationship with his kids..she said, "exactly...he's not happy"...I said, "some day he'll fall...she said, "he already did". I told her he will always have my heart...after all it's been 30 years but I can't cry anymore, it's time for me to move on with my life...I'm 44 years old and my life isnt over....that I love my children more than anything in the world...I would never hurt them...I just want to be honest....I said, "I want to be happy, isnt that what you said you wanted for me".."she said, I've always said that mom"....she asked, "are you going to get married again".. wow,."D, I have not plans to ever get married again...I'm not divorced yet"...it takes A lot of money to get divorced but it looks like my life with your dad has come to an end...If I could change it I would but I can't.."she said, "is dad getting married"..I said, "I can't answer that"..what's going to happen to us mom"...Well, D...we are going to start new traditions, make new memories, we will stick together, the tatoo I had done is of Lilies...they mean new beginnings....will I ever get married again...I don't know D....I cant say never...I know when I am with my friends they make me laugh....I have fun...I need that in my life...I told her I waited for dad for 2 years, even before she even knew..she said, "I know, you lied about that"..I said, "I was protecting you cause I thought there wasn't anything that your dad and I couldn't get through"..I gave it 150% and loved her dad through it all..took all the crap...listened to the vomit he threw at me, but she doesn't know that.. .I told her I want her to go be a kid, have fun...and then grow up and be happy....I want my children to be happy...she seemed okay with it....but it was very quiet....
I dropped them off and went to the grocery...when I came back my house was spotless...trash was out, etc...I thought that was her way of saying its all okay....but this morning she went straight to a teacher I work with and told her what was going on...I didn't want people I work with knowing too much...rumors just start and I can't deal with that...its hard enough right now with the child....I've been crying...I feel like I've let everyone down...like I didn't try hard enough to save my marriage...I did....I still am....it's just I have to LIVE....I can't sit and cry anymore...it's time to move on...
I talked to my mom after that and I told her everything I told D..she said if it makes you happy then you should do it...she also told me that H wasn't going to OW for Thanksgiving..she knows this because she is best friends with H's mom...I told her I didn't want to know....I'm sure he will see her at some point.my mom said MIL cried about me yesterday because I never call her...but I can't, I don't feel like part of their family any longer..I'm sorry but I can't..so my SIL who is very close to me has decided not to have Thanksgiving..MIL is angry with all her children..it's on then its off..SIL asked H what he was doing on Thanksgiving and he said he's going wherever his mom goes..MIL said, then it's bologna sandwiches.
My D21 will be here tonight but not spending Thanksgiving with me but going to her BF's side...that's okay, I understand...she doesnt want to be home and she's never done that...she will be home later in the day and I said then we can watch movies...so the evening will be interesting...since H hasn't asked to see the kids, or take son...I don't know what he plans...he has never once ASKED if he could take them...I've always had to ask him..OH What a mess......H hasn't talked to son since Saturday.
Help everyone....I'm at a loss....
Last edited by Treese; 11/26/0803:41 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
