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Joined: Nov 2006
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HM, Six months is not that long in this nasty business of MLC. This is not to minimize how you feel but just wanted to let you know that I am starting to think it gets worse before it gets better.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 550
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Hello HM,

I've never posted to you but have been keeping up. I'm starting to update my thread now after some time away. We have a few similarities - my H also hooked up with someone he met 20 years ago - in grad. school.

We don't have children though and I think you're doing a great job staying strong for your D.

Breton is right unfortunately - I've been at this close to 20 months with no end in sight. But for some reason, now that I don't see my H anymore, time goes faster and I'm definitely less stressed.

Stay strong!


Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10




Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
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At this point I just want to be left alone to heal, and not to have to feel like I'm going to starve. I can't imagine ever being with this man again. He doesn't even hurt me any more, and I just want it all behind me.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
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That would be a real advantage in not having children; I'll never not have to deal with H. Every milestone will be awkward, the custody and support can go on for another 10 years. I've been through this before, without children, and it certainly adds another dimension of pain and grief.

I'm not discounting your experience, I don't mean that. Nor do I regret having D, because she's the joy of my life. I just wish I never had to deal with him once the divorce is final.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,014
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I agree, we will never be free of them and there will come atime that we will have to grin and bear it for the sake of our children. MY BIL & SIL are going through it now. They have been D'd since 1999 and their oldest son just got married.

My SIL just told me again last weekend that she has come to terms with what he H did, but there are some things she will never forgive him for and taking away their family is one of them.

Much of my sheer anger at my H stems from the fact that I don't understand how we together decided to have two children, but now he alone gets to decide that I will be a single mom!


Me 54
DS19 and DS17
Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
Joined: May 2008
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Hmama, I wish you didn't have to deal with him either. You are an awesome mom.

Hugs


M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months
4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10
I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
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Posts: 2,608
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Oh, yeah, can I relate to that. I went thru a period (and may again) where I was really focused on the fact that H made a unilateral decision to destroy our family and make D become a child of divorce with all its wounds. At an age where she's beginning to develop her understanding of relationships with men. And he did it without a moment's consultation with me.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
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Originally Posted By: smartcookie
Hmama, I wish you didn't have to deal with him either. You are an awesome mom.

Hugs

Thank you, cookie. Some days I'm better at it than others.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
H
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H
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,608
Amid the difficulty of the week, I wanted to give everyone an image to make you smile.

Apparently I have a mouse in the house, because my rat terrier, Benji, is on his trail and leaving no stone (or book, magazine, basket, DVD) unturned to find him. Most of the time when I'm at home I'm looking at Benji's little stub tail and hind end, as the rest of him is buried in the bookshelves doing his job. It's his purpose for living. Most of the time he's a little prince; he sleeps under the covers with me, refuses to stay outside longer than 30 seconds in the cold, has a favorite spot right in front of the fire. But any sign of a mouse and he's Superpuppy.


M60
H52
D20
M14 yrs
OW-old gf from 1986
bomb-5/18/08
H filed for D-9/10/08
D final 4/24/09
xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 18,296
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Originally Posted By: hoosiermama

I tell you, every time I look at the $2000 worth of drums, I start thinking...wow, that would just about catch me up on my mortgage payments....

He couldn't really hate me any more than he already does, right? At least he'd have a reason for it....


I had no idea he has $2,000 worth of drums sitting there. If I had $10 for groceries, and a broken furnace and a cold snap, I would sell them in a skinny minute, absolutely. If I had notified him, and let him know of the family's needs, and he didn't respond? I'd sell the damned things so fast his head would spin.

Because no, he can't treat you any worse than he already is, and your daughter comes first. If the family court judge decides that you need to reimburse him out of some final settlement, so be it, but let's see, in the meantime???

Drums . . . groceries . . . drums . . . heat for my home . . . drums . . .

Puppy

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