I will say this past weeks "talk" was the first where he heard me crying since bomb, it wasn't pathetic or begging him back or "why are you doing this" there was none of that but I will say I felt I got some "feelings" out of him that I otherwise don't get. Makes him have to feel and see what he has done that he otherwise can push down his pain so easily (how his whole family is - keep shoving it down)
I also question, will and does DBing, acting "as if" really work... he seems so far gone and removed makes me feel like our marriage was a joke - although I know it wasn't.
But you did hit it on the nail... If he is with OW, he doesn't have to think about the pain he is causing to his kids, of letting you down, of screwing up his life. Ironic, isn't it? But he also cannot find a way back to you because YOU are not a drug, you make him see reality as it really is and YOU KNOW HIM! You see him as he really is and you know what, he doesn't like it!! That's why he's escaping. It's a catch-22. He can't stand what he has done but he can't stop doing it because it's providing an escape to his pain (which he caused himself).
This is so him..... gosh thanks for the reminder... I do question - are they really in a "fog" or are we kidding ourselves...... I have done really well at focusing on myself... I'm back to all my old activities, tennis, working out, excited about the holiday's... H knows my favorite time of year...
so thanks for the 2x4 PM ... I will take it to heart... and don't worry I'm NOT filing for D.. if he wants it he can do it...
anybody else's two cents??
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
