Frank, you can get to a place where this doesn't feel like such a burden. I know that it does. And I would venture a guess that at times it makes you angry. I mean, after all that she's done, why the hell should you be expected to "lift her up", right, when she really ought to be throttled? WHO would expect that of you? How dare they!
I know I am about to go far outside the scope of this current dialogue...
But your words sound edgy at times and I know I have called you on the bitterness in the past but the problem Frank, is really the BURDEN. The burden of being called to keep being bigger and rise above so much friggin NONSENSE. It is, quite honestly, a colossal pain in the ass that goes against every natural instinct that we have.
And yet -
It is only the same mercy and grace that is extended to us when WE blow things sky high and can barely withstand the fallout.
I'm not gonna coddle you and I sure ain't gonna start BSing you. This is not as simple and cheesy as saying to yourself at each event "What would Jesus do?" and then thinking you know the answer and acting accordingly.
This is about YOU and YOUR relationship with Him - which, if you had one, you'd be changing from the inside and you'd soon not be able to do anything OTHER than what Jesus would do. And it would become the natural order of how you do things. Because that's what happens. When you let Him lead. I'm not saying you wouldn't still have to stifle your flesh daily. I'm saying it would start getting a heck of a lot easier.
You're still questioning every move she makes and everything she says. That tells me that at least on some level, you're still wondering what your REaction ought to be. That is strategizing and you are past that point. It's time to get real.
And just for the record - it's NOT your responsibility to "do" anything in particular, other than keep a roof over your daughter's heads.
YOU very much still have a choice.
You can let this situation make you bitter or you can let it make you better.
You go through the motions of the latter but I'm not feeling it.
Just as an example, you could have drawn your wife into the deal with the laptop. I don't care if you're the computer whiz or not, she could have had some input because it's also HER daughter. It would have gone a long way to making her feel that she had SOMETHING to contribute - to making her feel respected - even if she just said to D13 "What about a pink one?" or something lame like that.
You missed the boat because your vision is limited.
Get rid of the burden Frank.
Have your eyes opened so you can think outside the box.
Start talking to God about your problems and then start talking to your problems about your God, Who is much bigger than all of them put together.
Do it in that order.
Additionally, I would be interested to know what you are teaching your daughters about respect. I read and understand how they feel and they are absolutely 110% justified based on your wife's actions as of late.
HOWEVER
THAT is the woman that cared for them for years. Here's what SHE is thinking:
She held those babies when they cried. She fed them and nurtured them. She taught those little girls how to walk, to talk, to read and to write. She sang the ABCs with them. A zillion times til they knew them. She counted with them til they could go all the way to what? 20? 100? Do you even know? After they entered school, she went to conferences, helped with homework, made their breakfasts, lunches and dinners. She made sure they showered and learned to take care of themselves. She tucked them in at night. Every night. She got them haircuts, took them for yearly physicals and took them to the doctors when they were sick. She took them to whatever activities they were involved in. And she cheered for them. And you all went on family vacations. And she kept that house clean, did more loads of laundry than you will have left to do if both girls stay home til they're 20 and she planned birthdays, Christmases and she dressed them up to trick or treat year after year after year. I'm not saying she did it all by herself. Perhaps I listed things she didn't even do - but I'm sure there were others. And tell me, Frank, when the girls were say, 3 and 7 or 7 and 11, after they went to bed at night, how much time did your wife truly spend on herself? 30 minutes? An hour? When did her days end?
Your 17 year old is lucky she didn't get smacked in the mouth when she said "...when you're a guest in someones house you should be neater".
HOW DARE THAT CHILD SPEAK TO HER MOTHER LIKE THAT.
I am in no way supporting your wife's response, which was TOTALLY unacceptable even if your daughter was 30 years old HOWEVER you post back to me and tell me one damn reason your daughter doesn't need to have a knot jerked in head and I won't say another word about the fact you are NOT supporting their relationship with their mother and in fact, you are hindering it and serving your own selfish need to feel superior in the process.
I am not a fan of your wife.
But I am even less a fan of you continuing to believe the false notion that you're somehow better than Lori because you aren't drinking and now you're making money while she doesn't have a pot to piss in.
Think it over like you do, Frank.
Then come back and call bullsh*t if you know in your heart and gut that I'm wrong.
