TxMom- help I'm still hopeful -#2 post

[PositivelyMommy]

{{{TxMom}}} You are right in everthing you said in your post. I have come today with a 2x4, sorry but I think you are losing your way and need a little bit of a wakeup call.

Don't file first. IF he wants it so bad he would have filed!!!! He is just eating cake now. He wants to have family time and also have OW on the side. Like my H, he is DEEP into his A to escape the pain he is feeling inside. It's a drug and an escape!!! If he is with OW, he doesn't have to think about the pain he is causing to his kids, of letting you down, of screwing up his life. Ironic, isn't it? But he also cannot find a way back to you because YOU are not a drug, you make him see reality as it really is and YOU KNOW HIM! You see him as he really is and you know what, he doesn't like it!! That's why he's escaping. It's a catch-22. He can't stand what he has done but he can't stop doing it because it's providing an escape to his pain (which he caused himself).

So that's why DB preaches, take your eyes OFF him. You can't help him, you cannot SAVE your marriage now. All you can do is just minimize more damage.

So what if he wants to spend weekends with her, he is just escaping reality, honey. DON'T take it personally!!! I know it's hard. Almost everything can be undone, a DIVORCE can be undone. Moving out can be undone. Weekends away are just that, you can have many more weekends together in the future. Don't react to everything, if you can. He is looking for excuses to get away from you and you are giving it to him. Why give him fuel to badmouth you to OW?

I know you don't want this to last 25 yrs or whatever but he is hearing your words but he is not really listening, is he? He can't help himself, he needs the drugs and don't care who he hurts.

So, do you DB, work on your own happiness. That's the only control you've got. He is dragging his feet because he is NOT sure yet. He says he is because he is trying to convince HIMSELF. So do nothing. Don't be the clinging wife. Act like the confident, independent woman that you already are. Men can't resist that.

Turn the tables around, would you like a guy who is confident, smiley, holds his head up and full of self-esteem? Or would you go for the guy who is crying to you, begging for love, following you around like a puppy dog and constantly looking for attention?

We are all saying, this will take time. Believe it.

You won't get your H back overnight. He has to go through the WHOLE cycle of living his fantasy life, crashing and burning, then re-evaluate his life as a whole, and THEN make a decision of whether he would be happier with his family or starting all over again with another person.

I know you want this pain to stop. I feel the same way, every night. Honey, we are here to hold you up! We are here to remind you of who you are.

You are {{TxMom}}, great chic, independent woman with adorable kids, an amazing job, great tennis bod, and a heart in the right place. Something out of your control happened to you, NOT YOUR FAULT, how you handle it from here is your choice. You write your own history.