Yes, he did cycle and want to work on the M many, many times. He would change his mind like flipping a page in a book. I think they have to go through this to finally settle down.
The holidays, hummm. He wouldn't be around. I remember one year he came over after my S called him to celebrate my D's birthday. You see her birthday is Christmas and we always celebrate it two days before Christmas so she will have her special day. He came over and asked me when we started doing that??????? I said since she was born!!! LOLOL He didn't remember that at all. Strange huh?
Reconnection during the holidays was pretty rough at the beginning. I knew he wanted to be here but I seemed like he always had one foot out the door.
I'm so happy that your Dad is home & doing well!! That is great news.
You are such an inspiration to us, I'm so happy things are going well for you & your H. My H & I used to do all our Xmas shopping together & we wrapped together also. We had so much fun, I really miss that!!! We would usually take the 1st or 2nd weekend in Dec., get up really early on Sat. go eat breakfast out somewhere & shop until about lunch before the malls got to crowded. We had the best time. I just miss him so bad!!! I suppose you have read on my thread that I saw his wedding pictures?
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!! Thanks for being here for us!!!
I am glad you feel like I am inspiration, I don't feel that way. I just feel like I DB'd my butt off and with the help of everyone here, I was one of the M that were saved. Imade many mistakes along the way, I learned alot about myself and changes a whole bunch!!
I know the missing your H part. It is so very hard and my heart goes out to you because we all have been there.
Are you going to your families home for Thanksgiving? I hope you and your have a wonderful time.
Thanks for the prayers and wishes for my dad. He is doing wonderful!
You once told me that your H had to reassure you a lot regarding OW. So, this seems to indicate that you eventually got to R talk (of course you did), but when in the process did that happen?
I do find myself having some "R" talk with my H, even though I try not to. It seems to go OK, and my H even seems to try to be understanding and supportive, although it is obviously hard for him. But, I second guess myself ALL the time. I worry that I am pushing him away, but he is not saying so because he feels guilty (since the infidelity came out). In MC, I often end up looking like the emotion wreck, not H!
I am all over the place really.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I didn't initiate the R talk. My h would and I would sit and listen and then place my views. This was just before he moved back in. It probably took a few months of talking.
Now in the beginning of my H's crisis, boy did I ever put my 2 cents worth in.
When my H was ready he let it go and we talked and talked about the ow. He even told me that it was so hard for him to let her go because he felt guilty. I understood and validated, but in my mind I was thinking, so he feels guilty about the ow, but what about his own family!!!!
Just don't initiate it let him come to you if he wants to talk. Once you get to the point where he wants to talk, ask questions but don't push.
My H would shy away from some questions and thoughts I had but eventually they came out and he said he was afraid it would hurt me worse knowing. We got past that and started fresh. Believe me it wasn't easy going, my H had to prove to me that I could trust him again and that took a long time. Now I don't worry about him going places by himself, the trust is back!
YR: Sorry to barge in on your thread...I have a quick question....
Did you ever issue an ultimatum to your H? My H is home, sleeping in a separate room...snuggles with me every morning...takes me out to dinner, buys me new clothes etc...we are still intimate occasionally....but he still sees MOW every day for lunch...and they still talk on the phone several times daily and meet for coffee after work occasionally. Supposedly, she is working on her M and she is in C.....My H is in C...but isn't committed to working on our M...he's still trying to figure out what to do....(his choices are to be alone or stay in our M since MOW isn't leaving her H)....but his first choice is to be with MOW.....as I'm reminded of regularly...The R with MOW began a couple of years ago, but I wasn't aware that it was more than a friendship until August 07. Anyway, after the holidays I'm thinking I should just put it out there...its committment or we're done....any input? I'm sick of this and I don't know how much longer I can handle it!!!
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
I get so confused about what I should do. Our MC says I should "plant seeds" a little at a time and then let H think about it. But DB says "No R talk". I am never angry or accusatory or anything like that with him. I validate his feelings and genuinely try to understand what little he does say. I just worry and second guess all the time, and I don't know how to just let go!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I am never angry or accusatory or anything like that with him. I validate his feelings and genuinely try to understand what little he does say. I just worry and second guess all the time, and I don't know how to just let go! 