I think it is very important for WAW to see what divorce will really be like. They are making a choice to leave and every choice has consequences. So I totally think you did the right thing.
Yes, I do think my wife is coming around a bit. And I'm certain it comes from the exact thing I just talked about in the previous paragraph. For a long time after the bomb I was going out of my way to support her. Financially, Emotionally and Physically (helping her with problems... even going over to her place and plunging the toilet).
So she had this fantasy life in mind where she was going to live this 'totally free and independent life' and keep me as a best friend forever. Basically it was like being married, except no committment on her part and no sex.
So I kept engaging in R talks with her, trying to <tell> her that D would suck... It never worked. She just kept pushing further and further down the divorce path.
Then one day I 'dropped the rope'. And many people say that is when the LBS gets back 'the power'. It was totally true for me. I stopped helping her. I still listened, if she called me, and validated. But I stopped calling her. When she talked about problems, I stopped volunteering to fix them. I stopped telling her what I was doing in my life. I stopped telling her what the kids did when they were at my house.
When she asked, I told her that I was moving forward with my life, with or without her.
For awhile, she got pretty pissed and kind of crazy. She was pissed because her fantasy was evaporating and I wouldn't play along. But I just ignored all that and pushed onwards. Pretty soon, she gave up and realized that things were going to suck if we were divorced.
Now suddenly things don't look so good for her fantasy life. The last week she has noticably warmed up and has stopped all mention of D. Hmmm...
Anyway, all situations are different. You are seeing positive baby steps with your current approach. So I would not advocate that you follow my path for now. "Dropping the rope" is the ultimate risky DBing technique. You don't need that yet.
Keep up the good work!
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
