Super close to walking out

[DownNotOut...yet]

I went snooping because my gut told me something was not right. Instincts are a lot better than most people give credit for. Where there is smoke, there usually, at least more smoke, probably some sparks and often fire. She is a writer and keeps everything in notebooks. I still to this day think she wanted to get caught as there were pages upon pages of how much I sucked and this beautiful young man/boy was like her savior. Our marriage was a joke, she never loved me. Our sex was never good. What was she thinking to compromise so much by choosing me blah, blah, blah...BAAAaarrrrrfffffffffff She was leaving these notebooks right out on the kitchen table.

Anyway, our sex had slowly gotten worse and worse, which one could attribute to 20 years together. But, at some point she seemed distant in the day time too. The little cute faces we used to make to each other. Sentences or running jokes we had stopped running. I dunno, our connect seemed broken. I figured I would take a peek and boy let me tell you ignorance is bliss. I think we are getting better. We did play topless air hockey at lunch today. That's better right? But I am still trying to come to terms with some of the stuff I read. It is my penance for violating her trust but it still sucks.

I don't have a story or thread posted hear. I lurk daily but only post to people I feel I can offer some real help to.