I try to every night, all in vain...in vain

[Sugar and Spice]

Hey all. I'm here, just haven't been online much this weekend. Had a "talk" with H on Friday night. Highlights:
I have put his needs before my own and in doing that have actually enabled his continuation of his affair. Being his "friend" has also done the same thing.
I am not willing to wait another 3, 6, 12 months for him to "decide" whats going to happen.
I love him, however I am not willing to remain 2nd best.
That I have love to give and want someone to share it with who wants me (and only me) in return.
There was more, but he got rather uncomfortable and cut me off using buying DD a coloring book as an excuse.
One of the things I let him know that despite his words, his actions showed something totally opposite. Not a judgement...just a statement of fact. He uses me for his moral support and he pours all of his time and energy into her.
So that conversation ended and his reactions really don't matter as I believe he couldn't make a decision is his life depended on it. DD stayed at MIL's house Friday night because DS had practice at the crack of early and I had Fest. of the Trees. So we went over to my friends house and H called at one point to ask me to look something up on line and when I told him where we were he got mad and hung up. WHATEVER!!!!
Saturday I went to the Festival of the Trees and had a great time. Went to MIL's house to pick up my kids and then went home. I talked to H for a few mins about 8:45 then DD and I went to bed. At 10:30 H walks into the room and wakes me up. He puts DD into her bed and lays down in mine. He was acting really funny. He asked for his credit card and I flat refused. He didn't make any "moves" on me and after about 45 minutes of watching sports and poker said, "Well I guess I'll just go home and go to bed." Ooooookayyyyyy. So I told him he was welcome to stay and he said, "I can't." So I walked him out and asked if he was ok because he was acting odd. His reply was, just let me be "odd" then. OK, no problem there. I sent him a text while he was on his way home and it didn't go through because his phone was off and his inbox was full. This means there was trouble in Paradise.
Yesterday I didn't hear from him most of the day. He did call last night and said that they had been fighting about the paternity test (some more, again, ad nauseum....)
He told her the other night that no one needed to know. Her reply, "Youre going to get your test anyway, then everyone will know." Yesterday it was, "If it will help you out, I will just give her my last name and you won't have to pay child support."

Even H knows something is up. She SAYS she will do it,but like I pointed out. Saying it and doing it are two different things. I can say monkeys will fly out of my a$$, but until you see primates circling my head...don't count on it. He then said he wants to do it on Tuesday, but where to do it....(call the wambulance.) I then pointed out that it is a swab test. You don't have to give blood, pee on anything or remove a body part. You take a Q-tip and run it inside your cheek...this is not rocket science and could be done in the privacy of the backseat of a car. (I know, I know...I shouldn't say anything, but stupidity for the sake of stupidity really just bugs the hell out of me.)
A couple of things he said last night did stand out though....
1. He said that he had been looking in the mirror lately and didn't like what he is seeing. That he is embarrassed at what hes become.
2. Having a girlfriend who has a baby by another man is probably exactly what he deserves. Poetic justice.

Not anything earth shattering, but in the feeling sorry for himself, maybe he is beginning to see some truth. Who knows....
I can't wait for Vegas. Its going to be SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!