I kept trying to think....does she really need to spend the night? Were not making stuff from scratch. Green bean casserole...super easy. Yams...canned. Pies...She could make them at her place and bring them. The turkey....I can do that at the house. It's been me in the past to cook it, not her.
I'm not looking into it too deep, but . . .
YES, YOU ARE.
Stop trying to focus on what SHE may or may not be thinking, and why she may or may not be thinking it, and keep your focus on YOU, and what YOU are doing that's working, and jettison what is NOT working.
That's the DB way. You're still too "rescuing" and still too enmeshed, in my opinion.