It is a rough, rough time to separate. In the past, when faced with painful/stressful situations, my wife has always put on a strong face - and it seems like she's doing that now. It's just so odd to hear her talk and watch her actions - and recognize the ways in which she's putting on a performance...I know her anger is real to her - and I know that what she thinks is extremely real to her - which is why I just have to follow your advice and remove myself from her life as best I can.
I'm taking my S11 (from a previous marriage) back home with me this Christmas - since my W has already told me that she refuses to allow our son to travel with me until after she weans him from breastfeeding. Honestly, this is one of those cases in which I am choosing my battle carefully, since she has a very intense - sometimes frightening - connection to breastfeeding. Any suggestion that she shouldn't be breastfeeding any more makes her furious and defensive - and she insists that our baby needs it...though I know that he doesn't get any nutrition from it any more...
I worry about her over the holidays - since she's going to spend Christmas with her family - and they are toxic beyond belief when it comes to Christmas - especially her father. My role had been to be there like a buffer between all of them - keeping things calm and just not letting the drama explode into all out fights...the few times she's been home with her family by herself (early on in our relationship) - it got ugly fast - as her father (who is an alcoholic and very abusive) would quickly find ways to start attacking my wife and making her feel unwanted...I just hope her friends can support her through it if/when it happens - since I know that her family is completely against her actions right now...Her pain and confusion make me very sad - even her anger saddens me - and that's just why I have to remove myself all the more - she knows exactly which buttons to push in me to make me react to her - and going after my love for my children is the one button she seems to prefer the most...constantly accusing me of not caring about my S2 - and only caring about my S11. It's harsh to hear her words...though I know that I should ignore them - she does have a way of cutting to the quick and piercing my heart like no other person I have ever known.
