New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

Doing everything you can could mean getting strong, letting go and demanding respect. That is what is needed here. You don't seem to want to see that. Don't fool yourself with the thinking that you are taking the high road. What you have been doing is NOT working. Seems like you are the only one who doesn't want to see that. She is crying out for you to get some backbone here. She knows deep down inside that she is walking all over you. A woman can't have feelings of love when they don't have respect.

Women RESPECT men who stand up to them. AND getting her respect can most definitely lead to loving feelings coming back. That is the reason why you have to demand RESPECT FIRST. (first rule of order) She can't feel good about herself now because she knows she is treating you terribly, and yet you take it again and again. For some unknown reason, you seem to think this is "taking the high road." Would you rather be right or be married?

You seriously need to re-evaluate your methods. They are not working. You haven't tried letting go and getting strong yet and showing her that you will NOT tolerate her actions anymore. You have not shown her that YOU are taking charge now and making the best decisions for YOU, and if that includes divorce and such... So be it. You are confusing being a doormat with doing everything. You will feel much better about yourself when you take the bull by the horns and become a man of action and decisiveness instead of following her lead. Women are not attracted to men like this. Your situation proves this yet again.

I recommend you re-evaluate your method of handling this and stop going by your "feelings." As you may well know, feelings are not the best way to run your life.

First off thanks for your comments - appreciate your insight. I do agree with the respect issue as you have laid it out.

I had a great day yesterday with my kids - went to zoo, only thought couple times about w. I read all the replies to my thread before I headed out on my trip & thought about my situation at times while driving around southern CA.

When my w as experiencing the euphoria of her A in July, she demanded the D. She wanted to escape to be with this OM in AK & signed papers to allow her to do just that. She wanted to stay for 1 yr to help me out with daycare but also because OM lives with his parents & building an apt over their garage for them which will be completed in Sept 09, which is when she planned to move there permanently.

What she agreed to was - no alimony, no child support, no touching my retirement, I get the house, timeshare, tax deductions & all the debt - she owes me 10K & starts paying it off next Sept. I GET OUR KIDS! Primary physical custody - 80% of the year, she has to pay all visitation transportation costs. That is all signed, sealed & delivered to the court.

When I was very down about the end of my m in Aug, I kept a level head & got the best terms I could for the D - she proposed almost all of them. I read most threads here & NOTHING is worse than the LBS who go from seeing their kids daily to having split or very limited visitation. Then have to spend major $$$ paying lawyers and usually get screwed over in court - sell house, alimony, etc. I paid $125 - half cost of the mediator to draw up the above agreement. My kids are not moving with her to AK!

The main reason I am handling things the way I am is not to fix my m, it is to preserve the above agreement with regards to my kids & their future. My w is not someone I really want to be with right now - she has MAJOR psychological issues that she needs to deal with. I won't want her back unless she changes - I welcome the D since I will be free of her.

So why piss her off more? Why provoke her by trying to demand respect? Why give her some ultimatum about the OM? None of that is going to help me right now. If my w brought up reconciling the m & wanted to try to work things out, then I would agree that your advice would be warranted. Right now though that is not the case in my sitch.

I want to preserve the agreement I have - something she is now starting to question since reality is hitting her hard. If I get used over the next few months by w but I am able to keep the D based on the already agreed to terms - so what. W has no intention on working on the m so not going to bother with hope that will change anytime soon.

I have saved myself - read my 1st thread if you want some insight into just how close minded I was & the issues I have had to deal with. Saving my m is something that would be great but not the focus for doing what I am doing. It's all about me & my kids now!