FLTC Morally I did the right thing and I took the garbage and deployed with a weak marriage just like you. With that said I feel whatis's post is pretty much on the money.
Divorce is like war. War is ugly. The loser dies and the winner has to ring the dirt out of his soul and needs parades at home to keep from feeling like a piece of S*&*(^ since the rules in our supercivil society directly conflicts with the necessary acts you either do or witness. At our level it's not good or bad it's just the way it is. In Divorce you have to do things and go stick your head in the toilet if you are not having a civil one. I belive tearing two joined as one back to two mentally is never civil and always very painful.
If you do not believe the money will go for the kids then do what it takes to win so you will spend the money on them. I know some of the money I send for child support went to building new additions from my X and her new hubby not all. Alimony for someone who is doing OK and dating a rich lawyer. Naaa fight that one. I regret giving my X a dime there.
Pensions are better than houses. Espicially Govt jobs. Plaster does not taste good I think and you are forced to work to keep the house. I prefer freedom. Alimony is good until a remarry and for a limited time. After that it goes away permenantly either due to time or remarriage as in my case so my X leaves my military pension alone.
I wish my X and her new husband many years of happy wedded bliss so she may not even try to go after my military pension. Principles and Moral Ground does not buy gas, diesel, or the peanut butter required to fuel the drive for my bicycle. I can thrive at this time on the Pacific Coast Trail but probably in 20 years I will not. I will need heat. Maybe the Everglades trail. Thus money is good mo is better.
Serving time and around court time is the craziest there is. Many things said and done will be looked at as from left field years later. I realize this bb is a venting area for you and probably in reality you are somewhat stoic and that is a good thing. Keep your head straight. This is the toughest time you will experience unless you go right into another relationship before figuring out what went wrong here.
Then you will find yourself back on this bb feeling twice as stupid. Trust me I know about feeling very stupid.
You will come out of this feeling like the muj just dropped 9 61mm rounds into your fighting hole but you will survive.
I prettymuch knew this was coming to you while you were in Iraq but I held off. At the time you needed to direct energy into directing your Soldiers to complete the mission at hand. You have a new mission and it's harder.
* Look back only for lessons learned * If a situation sucks try the congnitive redirect "I love how this sucks" (if you can) * Now fight like hell and lick your wounds later.
Compared to this living in the desert was easy. I do not envy you.
Best wishes
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
No Hill that was awesome. It sounds to me as if you've got experience in this type of thing. And it sounds as if you've learned something too, which is a very good thing.
Quote:
Divorce is like war. War is ugly.
I never have understood those who say they had an amicable D. Maybe you can if there are no kids involved, but even then, there were promises made and not kept, so I still don't get it.
Anyone who looked at my X and me at the courthouse on the day of the D would not have been able to tell we'd just been through a war with one another because it looked to the eye like a pleasant little exchange. I chose to do that, but it hurt my heart to be there. I didn't allow him to see that because at that point, he had no right to know what was in my heart.
Soooo many here told me to treat the process of splitting my life with him as a business transaction. Once I got to the point where I knew that was true I allowed myself to think that way. And we all should think that way. This is most likely the biggest business decision we will ever make and what we do at the point of splitting things will impact us probably for the rest of our lives.
Weigh it all carefully FL and take your time. Do not rush into things and if your gut tells you to step back, then step back.
FL, believe it or not, YOU have so much more power right now than she does. She's the one with the BF. She's the one who wants this done. You, on the other hand, don't have that to worry about. All you have to do is keep up the facade of having a good attitude towards her. All you have to do is remain calm, talk to good professional people, do your homework, and then I promise you that it will be you who ends up with a full life.
One day, she will be forced to look back at the choices she made. You will have moved forward at that point with no guilt and she will be the one who will know exactly what she did.
Thanks, Donna, WELCOME BACK HILL! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?? (Board burnout?) Nice job, Hill. Well put. Thanks for the reinforcemnt Happy!
She will come back with an "October (December?) Surprise". She's too smart, aggressive, controlling, angry and "Lawyered-up" to let this pass.
The comment in her email to me about "having the best interest of the kids in mind" sent me over the edge. I had to hit her nose with the newspaper on that one. I think she fully understands my line "don't go there with me".
Although I have mentioned "Smarmylawyerboss" to the mediator and my attorney, I NEVER mention it to her. It's the "BLUE WHALE" (not even the elephant! in the room!
Here's the sad news. D18 called me from college 3 hours away, crying and begging to come home on Saturday because she had the flu. I told her to go to the emergency room, because I thought this was yet another one of her schemes.
I immediately thought "OK, "patying" friends have arranged to come home from school for the Thanksgiving break one day earlier, and this is a set-up. Remember three weks ago, she stole about $100 in loose change from me, and DENIED IT!
Well, I finally cracked and got her. She has a raging strept throat and a stomach (Yech!) virus. I feel bad, but I can't trust her on anything. I need to tell her why I was reluctant to get her.
Morning!!!(but you're probably already working out as I sit here calmy sipping my coffee!!). SOOOO, D18 is with you through Thanksgiving? Stay well!!!!!
Well, if it is strep, that can make you throw up. And the meds should be making her feel much better very quickly. So, you will have an extra set of hands to help get dinner together on Thanksgiving Are you going to have all 3 kids?
I wonder if the container of your money will magically reappear...did you ever leave it open that if it "showed up" there would be no questions asked? Sometimes they just have such a hard time, wanting to save face....
It never will re-appear, sadly. She is on antibiotics the size of a bed pillow. D16 will be with STBX on T.giving. We'll all go to a HS football game with one of my good friends from HS. We have gone back to our old HS game for 35 years! We played together and love to go back to the "old school". I will MAKE it a Thanksgiving for them. I pick up my pre-cooked, air-droppable TTRE "Thanksgiving Turkey Ready to Eat" today.
STBX called and asked why I didn't drop off S10's hockey stuff as he has practice tonight. I told her he told me he didn't have it and was usually right, so I just kept it in my car for the weeknd tournament. My mistake. I told her I would drop it off after work.
A simple, "Oh, OK." is NEVER enough for her. "That's not what the schedule says....." righteous and indigant. AND, we're off.
Kidding, it sounds like a great plan - less to worry about. Have you tried out the water park in Waterbury yet? That's where we will be; I'll let you know how it was.
I'm going to welcome the kids home Sunday with a nice meal. There isn't really anything on a traditional Thanksgiving menu that my D9 likes, but I'll make all of it, and some "mini-turkeys" (chicken cordon bleu with chicken wings on the sides to make it look right!). Breaking out the good china and all. I don't think we've done that in years and years - why wait? S already bought sparkling peach beverage in a wine bottle, to "make it special."
ps - your wife is an obnoxious a$$. Are you getting to the point when you can look at all of her nonsense and be a bit relieved that you aren't subjected to that all the time?
Thanks. Sorry I didn't call back. OBE: Overcome By Events! stbX IS an obnoxious, righteous, as*. I am so afraid all women are like that, but I know better.
D18 was laid out all day. I just got home after a board of ed. meeting, and there she was, freshly showered, ready to go out at 1030! "I texted you" she replied. As though that absolves everything. I WAS FURIOUS. I went into my room and slammed the door. She left to meet friends. Sorry. I was pis7ed. I never act out, but I've had it with her. She was sick as a dog for 3 days, even today she couldn't talk, and then goes out. I know...she's 18, but she is a mess.
I should not have done this, but I bet my 10 year old an ice cream that D18 was not really sick. Of course he told her, but shehas COMPLETELY LOST ANY TRUST I HAD. Any action seems like a lie to me. She is such a manipulator, I fully expected that she would get home and make a "miraculous" Lourdes-like recovery, just as her friends arrived home early.
S10 told D18 about this bet. She is pis&ed. She has totally lost any trust I had after the money went missing. It was her, plain and simple. She needed money, I gave it to her, she needed more, I gave it to her, and then she stole more. I've just about HAD IT! Oh yeah! GOT MY DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE MAIL TODAY! F78KING AWESOME DAY!
