I screwed up again

[AnotherNightmare]

techguy,

I feel a lot of things right now, but certainly not bad because I am going alone to the MC session. I feel sorry for my W because she has been crying a lot. We have had quite a few little conversations last night and this morning.

Last night she was upset said something like "Don't you know what you can do for me? You don't get it!". This is really her typical of making me guess what is wrong. Fortunately I did guess right and said "I know you want to go to Germany and be with your aunt. Please go and let me take care of the kids. I will see what I need to do to work from home next week." Her angriness seemed to vanish after that.
After talking to her sister this morning, everything sounds pretty hopeless. According to the doctors, her aunt is expected to pass away over the next few days. On top of that, her mother (her aunt's older sister) is suffering, too. She cried all morning, but started to get ready for the flight. I told her again I meant what I said last night, if she needed anything, to just let me know and I would take care of it. If she needed a shoulder to cry on and could just forget it was mine, she could do that, too. She looked repulsed and said something like "ugh". I wanted to slap myself for saying that, but maybe 15 minutes later she came and hugged me and said I'm sorry. I assured her I would be just her friend and how much her aunt and mother mean to me, especially when I think of everything 11 years ago (they both were very supportive when she had the PA then - but again I am not sure I should have said that). She asked me to book the flight and the car in Germany for her. So she is leaving this afternoon.

I am torn. I had so many hopes for this week at home, but maybe the separation is not the worst thing that could happen. I can prove to her that I can function on my own (which she doubts) and I can even take care of the kids. I am not sure how often I should call her. I have a genuine interest in her aunt, but I do not want it to look like I am pursuing her.

I feel like I am making baby steps forward, but it feels like very thin ice right now. Thank you for everybody's support!

AN