Breakaway...I think you are the one I was asking about if my feelings would EVER change. I really feel that working on the marriage is the right choice, but I have to admit it. I do NOT have the feelings to back up that choice. It's the same as before, I'm doing this for everyone else. I'm not saying that i would be happier divorced. the grass isn't greener there, for sure. But I'm really really weary. really tired. And I'm doing this all without loving this guy.
Hey, honeybun...I know!
My kids kept me in this house...my kids kept me going forward, because I don't want them to go through a divorce if it's possible. And all the extended family. I did it for everyone else too. A friend of mine is a lawyer...and she just kept on telling me, gently, but over and over, that I was going to make it worse by leaving...you STILL have to deal with the guy married or not really. I couldn't stomach the thought of dealing with all our kid issues...I mean it's hard enough now, what would it be like if we were divorced? Honestly, I figured if anything, I'd have to talk to him even MORE if were divorced, LOL. The negotiations on every little anxious detail would never end. Bleeeeehhhhhh.....
So I stayed. And I thought, well, if I'm gonna stay, what am I gonna do, I can't live "like this". So it's been a slow process, and it's not over yet. Now at least I feel like if I ever do divorce, it will be a rational decision and not an "escape."
Stay here on the boards...you will gain a lot of understanding. My feelings really did come back, and it's better in some ways really. I feel like I'm really starting my own life over, Peace. I have a long way to go. We still have many problems..but the direction is forward. You can't "make" feelings come back, but if you follow the suggestions, they very well might.
I know how tired and weary you are, babe. I do. But you aren't walking alone anymore. There is hope. Day by day.
