Super close to walking out

[DownNotOut...yet]

HA! The answer is NO. Originally, I think, you were asking for some short term advice to keep YOU from walking out the door. Very admirable on your part BTW. You chilled out and it helped him chill out.

I would say your responsibility is two things. Communicate, in a way he understands. A way you KNOW he understands (woman suck at this). You need to communicate what you need from him. Perhaps taking his meds is part of that. Communicate that if he does the things you need from him, then your situation could improve. Your husband is not weak. He is just facing the possibility that everything he's worked for, loves, and cares about is on the verge of disappearing. Most men in your husbands situation, I think, would say death is a better fate. If you are yearning to be taken care of, go tell your husband. I bet a bazillion trillion dollars that if you said to your husband, I've been yearing to be taken care of, he will look back at you in amazement and say, really? I had no idea.

He needs to do it, you need to tell him what to do. Guys don't get it, unless you spell it out. It needs to be comically clear.

The second thing is answer this question, "Would you want to be married to you?" If the answer is absolutely yes, then your job is done. If your answer is "not so much," then you have something to think about.

So here is the punchline. You are the potential WAW and it sounds like we are giving you work to do. This is true to a degree but only because you showed up here in time to save your marriage before the real damage is done. Usually it is your husband who shows up here after you've left, frantically trying to learn enough to A)carry on day to day with the pain, and B)try to win his wife and family back. YOU are so wonderful that you came here first. If more people were as thoughtful as you what a better world this would be.

Your husband really needs to be here as well but since you got here first, you got the work. It is not your job to nurse him to anything. It's not HIS job to nurse you either. It is his job to get OK with himself, for you to get OK with yourself and then both of you start working to meet eachothers needs.

You might want to by a copy of The 5 Love Languages for holiday reading. Also look into His Needs Her Needs. I am pretty sure you can read the first chapter of each for free of you google around a bit. You are so wonderful for coming here first before walking. You may have given your husband, kids and yourself the best holiday gift imaginable.

Sermon over