Love Languages was one on the many books I read when I was in my book reading phase. When I tried to suggested it to W she threatened is inserted somewhere about my body where I would require extensive surgery to remove it. In short, she's not into books.
A cosy night with any female sure sounds nice right now....getting a little cool up here in Canada. Enjoy my friend....things could be alot worse than snuggling with your W.
The good thing was she said she enjoys just snuggling up so I have to take the positive out of that. Also as Sandi mentions I should not take the hump (get upset) when she knocks me back. I have to admit this always used to be my problem. I would then stop going to bed at the same time, she would feel rejected, I would seek confort with booze, P**n, and generally be an ass, then she would cheat and thats how the whole sorry mess started.
Anyway its more cold than damp in the UK but I'm still looking forward to snuggling with W tonight.
Lanzo
PS John I saw your picture on FB and I'm sure that once you get you head straight with your sitch you will do ok for female company (GF not BF).
Lan, thanks for the compliment....although I look way better in real life (LOL) I would have felt a little better if the compliment came from a woman.....BUT I guess I will take what I can amigo. Once again don't worry about me playing on the other team..... Happy snuggling!
Note to self - Remember password for FB to catch up, been a while.
I personally do not post pics of myself on there John, I do not want stalkers !!!!
I will try find you guys on FB tonight on my DB version !! (STBX is an FB freak so had to have a second one for you guys but forgotten the details...doh)
Glad you are sounding good Lan. And, glad to hear that you (as usual) are trying to see it from the female's POV. I know it must be so hard on you men to even come close to understand what complexed creatures that we are. I have heard several women while having "girl talk" that they would love to just be able to go to bed and snuggle and "smootch" with their H's without it always leading to sex. Of course, the male is made in such a way that that is the first thing he wants to do when they start with the smootching. (Is that word used anymore?....lol) Anyway, when he starts to make the moves to have "more" than just snuggling, then the wife thinks, "I should have known I couldn't touch him. It always leads to sex!" He immediately picks up on her cold body language and knows he is being rejected (even if she goes through with the sex, it's not from the heart like he wanted....so it leaves things rather strained). So, that is the thing about women, they really need time to be able to lay in bed with their H's arms around them. It is better than any security blanket they could ever have. They feel more protected and cherished than about any other time. But the thing that worries me so much about couples today is the fact that, in most cases, both are working outside the home and then they have to go home at night and do everything that would have been done if one of them had been there all day. In other words, they are exhausted. Since the female body is naturally weaker, she wears out quicker, and the first time she gets really still, comfortable, and cozy.......well, you get the picture. That is one reason that I know when I come in from work and sit down.....I am going to fall asleep b/c I am so tired and then it will mess up my sleeping pattern for the night. Anyway, that is why I suggested that the two of you try going to bed earlier. Now, I don't know if you all have a TV in the bedroom (and you said she was not into books), so there has got to be some kind of "pattern" when you go to bed. Some couples watch a little TV and snuggle and if things go farther, fine, and if not......okay. Those that read......same thing. But, if you don't do any of those, you are either going to talk (which was always what I needed) or snuggle, or ML, or turn your backs to each other......and it usually feels like the North Pole between the two backs. Regarding the last sentence.....it is b/c the wife is thinking, "I'm so tired and I don't dare touch him b/c he'll take it as a sign to have sex". So, she just says goodnight and turns over to go to sleep and he feels rejected. Am I pretty close, so far? The sad thing is that she really wants to just have him hold her and let her feel safe and secure in his arms.
Lan, I'm going to share something with you that I hope won't disgust you. As you know, I kept the fantasy of my OM alive in my heart long after I stopped having contact with him. I was very unhappy and when I would go to bed, I would lay my head on my pillow and imagine that it was his shoulder that I was laying on and think about his arms holding me and telling me everything would be okay. I would think about him stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. That is what I needed all down through the years of my M that I never got. In all reality, if we had ever gotten together, that would have been the last thing he had on his mind, but that is how I would think of him. The point is....my H was in the other room passed out on the couch and I was in my bed having this kind of fantasy about OM holding me.
As a man, you are probably wondering why I didn't just go tell my H what I needed from him. The point it.....I had told him....for years. So, I gave up trying to tell him. But, to make this shorter (I'm trying) is that both people end up feeling rejected in their own different ways. You don't get the physical sex that you need and she doesn't get the emotional feelings fulfilled that she needs.
As I've tried to tell you (I think) and some other men...... to try to hold out and not show any loving ways or touches...thinking it is out of spite and thinking that she is going to intiate sex first......well, you may be waiting a long time. All women aren't the same, of course, but "pride" plays a big part in M, which it shouldn't, but it does. The first thing you know, you've been M for years and still playing this stupid "game" of who can hold out the longest! Well, I think you have grown in that area.....I really do, but I know that it is always going to be an area of frustration for you and all men. I don't know why God had to make us so different about things like that.......it's all very strange. However, as long as their is healthy communication on a daily basis, then everything will work out. Please believe me when I say that is what I have learned over all these years.......and I believe it is the secret to a great relationship is a healthy communication. And, communication doesn't always have to be "words".
Hope you don't get tired of me telling you how proud I am of you for the determination that you have had to piece your M back together. It isn't easy and you will always have to work at it. I am praying that I can just begin to feel physically better so that I can start to put into action some things I used feel like doing. My H has been very patient and good to me while I've been sick. He had to come a long way b/c I don't think he really understood about it.....and I also think a lot of his "bad attitude" that I thought he was having was more frustration b/c he couldn't help me. Anyway, in spite of mine and his physical problems, things are getting better otherwise.
Good talking to you. Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
