I have been going through this for a year. I was on separated as I figured it must have been something I did. Something my daughter did. Something. But the more I seemed to try to change, the more he kept saying that nothing had changed. He swears he is going to file for divorce, but always seems to have an excuse. He wants me to do it, because I am a paralegal, and can get it done for next to nothing. But I am not going to do it. It is just a lot to absorb in the matter of about a week, and I want to make sure I am in the right place. I know that MLC is much different, but my H is showing CLASSIC signs.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I decided to post here and tell a little about my sitch because I want to make sure I am not grasping at straws. So any input would be appreciated
I will try to make this as brief as possible.
My H and I separated a little over a year ago, after he said he loved me but had nothing left to give me. We had a tense few months prior, I had lost my job, was depressed because I could not find another. I had been at my new job for two weeks. I looked in his email that night (which was something I rarely did, never without permission) and found pix of him and OW. That ended a few months after it started.
Since that time, I have gotten: its your daughter's fault. Its may be my fault because I am a "yes" man and now I have to say no. I don't love you but I care for you as a friend. I only married you because I felt backed into a corner. I tried to talk to you but you didn't listen. I told you our marriage was in trouble (yeah...no he didn't). This came as a complete shock.
He has made comments such as "the only female in my bed is the dog." "I sleep on the futon most nights because I am too tired to make it to bed after work". H is a child protective services investigator.
He wants a divorce, but wants me to file because I am a paralegal and could do the paperwork without hiring an attorney. Told him no.
I asked for counseling, but he said it is too late for that.
The latest, about two weeks ago, is that he doesn't think the changes will stick, we will go back to the way we were, and that D12 is happy now and he doesn't want to upset her world.
Asked again if I would file. Told him no, he said he would file. Still hasn't.
Are these the makings of an MLC?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Oh Look!! Michelle My Dear, you posted first to me so many months ago...I am so glad you posted first to me again!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So I talked to H briefly this morning. We had an agreement that I would pay the car insurance, and he would cover our cell phone bill. Now he wants to separate them out. He wants to pay his own car insurance, and I can have my own cell phone.
This so does not look good.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well hell, I think I am going to the other board again.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, I hope you come back. It took me a long time on this board. People are here for a long time and it takes a while to post sometimes.
Plus, until you are really sure, there isn't a lot of advice to give other that read read read. It sounds to me like you have some MLC in the making but you haven't posted anything other than classic stuff. Is there anything that is a little wierd in his behavior? Really out of the ordinary?
Smurf has a wonderful compilation if you haven't read it yet. And there are some people who have made it to the other side, yellowrose is a good one to read.
Good luck.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Since that time, I have gotten: its your daughter's fault. Its may be my fault because I am a "yes" man and now I have to say no. I don't love you but I care for you as a friend. I only married you because I felt backed into a corner. I tried to talk to you but you didn't listen. I told you our marriage was in trouble (yeah...no he didn't).
I hope you got to read Elliecat's threads, as I remember, her saying, that her husband said a lot of the same things. She may have said these over the phone to me, as we had telephone conversations as well.
Certainly he suffered from PTSD, it must be hard living in a place with bullets whistling past your head, and this brings on all sorts of thought of your own morality and seeking this illusive happiness.
I have my teanage daughter with me, she is not happy, I cannot tell her anything, I cannot advise her on anything, she is always so so right. I cannot get her to get off her arse, and do something constructive with her life.
This is just what her mother is doing.
It now is making so much sense as to what this MLC/depression is doing to a person. You then see it all around. A recent survey in the UK pointed to 46% of the population having depression at midlife. Add to that the other pinpointed stress disorders like PTSD. PMT etc.
However, whilst you are looking for answers, we can all relate to that on this board. Read, to help with what you are dealing with, but dont waste your life.
If I were to play "devils advocate" and say, "Hang on, you have only been married a few years, his idea of life with you and your daughter is not what he imagined, and feels he made a mistake"
Would you then hang on in hope.
That is why the clear message all over this site, not just in the MLC forum is GAL.
Live life as if the WAS is not coming back. I was a prisoner in the attic of my own home for over 2 years. What a waste!
You will get through this in time.
I am sorry you are not getting the responses you need from this forum, but it does take time to build up relationships and people to associate with your situation, to feel they can offer advice and support.
