Another question I had for you is, when you say you exposed to "everybody" -- how wide of a circle was that? I've often said that the trick is to be FIRM, without conveying TOTAL HOPELESSNESS. Your wife may be feeling like all of her boats are burned behind her, and there is no hope for a reconciliation even IF she were to agree to it. The purpose of exposure is to enlist a small sphere of influencers in the wayward spouse's life to help you support the marriage, and exert pressure on them to end the affair. It is NOT to humiliate them, and I'm guessing she feels humiliated.
Finally, what would need to happen for YOU to feel like working on the marriage at this point? You sound like you're already "done."
