Don't sweat that it's been 2 weeks. I read in a book written about men and their approach to R's that it can take up to 12 weeks for them to think things through/miss you/in the cave, so don't worry for now. just keep being lovely you and see what happens.
The e-mail was something you HAD to do, and it was a 180. Often the WAS is so surprised by a 180 that it takes them a while to respond......also, remember that my H was just out of touch for 6 weeks and it was because he felt guilty. Your H is (I think) in a similar spot. Patience, patience, patience. Don't make contact, give him space to think and process. You're dealing with an MLC and that's what they need.
I think Ali makes a good point in terms of the fact that there are always more than 2 possible paths to follow. I don't see it as file for D or wait indefinitely.
You know yourself what you are comfortable with. I do think it might be a bit awkward to phone your H up out of the blue and ask him to meet up for drinks given the fact that you have not been interacting in that way for quite some time, but that doesn't mean that you can't organize something "business-related" if you urgently feel the need to speak to him. Maybe you are comfortable waiting and taking your opportunities to DB, like the great one you got with your H's friend today. If you do have the patience, this may be your best bet in terms of piquing your H's interest, and paving the way to a better friendship.
This gets to Lisa's post, and I think that she's right about patience being needed in this case, extreme patience. Of course this all assumes that your end goal is to save the marriage. From everything that you've said, this is still your aim. As this is your aim, you are likely going to need to wait him out...at least for the near future. If you don't get any kind of response after more time has passed, then you might want to reconsider your options.
Hope you're doing well otherwise. You sound really strong and positive.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hey Julia.. Yes (thanks ITH!).. thats what I was trying to get at "I think Ali makes a good point in terms of the fact that there are always more than 2 possible paths to follow. I don't see it as file for D or wait indefinitely."
So, not to do anything now, today, tommorow, or soon even, just that its not an either/or sitch, there are other ways. Depends how you feel about waiting. I cant BELIEVE how slow these guys are to move/act... or even, think! I had NC, like Lisa for 6 weeks, then there were tentative texts/emails (not like before) and finally a drink.. but that took 3 months to materialise.
Its pretty astounding isnt it. So, how about all us girls here... has this taught you to just be more open, expressive, honest with people? It has me. Like I took the trouble to send thankyou letters to my aunties for all their love and support on the phone this year. The old me would have probably not bothered.
Love and blessings to you Julia! Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I think there are more possible paths, you are all right which is why I stop myself losing my temper and filing. My goal is to save my marriage or at least get past this point. It is a 180 for me to just wait for his response as he will have to respond eventually, he wants to sell the house after all. I will not initiate, other than to include him in things like my choir email that I would send to all my friends. I will wait longer.
I know that me bringing up r talks don't work in my sitch. Pre DBing we used to date and have fun for a few weeks then I would bring up r stuff 'just to see how we were progressing' and slam, we would be back to the start again or i would get 'I don't know'. He never engaged in these talks. The only time we ever got anywhere was when he chose to talk to me, I think this happened twice - one time afterwards he was so exhausted and confused he fell asleep in my arms *sigh*. However, when he initiates it will mean he is ready to do that and I am prepared to wait for that for the sake of my marriage.
I am not worrying too much though, I just observe that it is now 2 weeks. I'm getting on with my picnic.
Thanks for mini 2x4ing me over my snappiness - that is the old pre DBing me rearing it's head.
Hey Julia, what I was thinking is that even moving in with OW it can still be a very fantasy relationship where he gets all of the benefits without the responsibilities. It reminds me of the stereotypical dating relationship where the woman is looking for the man to step up and commit to a marriage relationship, but, her boyfriend is happy with how things are and sees no reason to change and make the commitment to marriage. It's one of the things that I struggle with as I look at my W and her OM. They've been together for a few months and he has plenty of money to lavish on her at this point without having to consider things like clothes for the kids or when her car needs license plates. So, their relationship is one big fun time, one big vacation. How could I possibly compete with that? Hell, I thing that we ALL want a nice vacation relationship like that ;p
Yeah.. but he is still young (sorry Julia, but for a guy, 26 is young I think).. at least in that he hasnt yet been through his Saturn Return.. at 28-30, which is a watershed, maturing process. So, this isnt 'it' for him, there is more work to be done!
Hey and read this RealAstrologers! If you feel stuck? Or maybe you feel something shifting?
I'm sorry that you didnt hear back from him yet. How you doing today?
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
