She must have contacted the OM this morning while I and D7 were at church. She was gone for several hours. Came back and was a new woman...even baked cookies.
JWM, several DB'ers have said to me that their spouse's A is like a drug fix. They need the drug and feel miserable without it. I have seen this myself with my H. One minute he is mad from talking with me. Half an hour later (probably a phone call with OW), he is happy and smiling. WTF??
Just don't take it personally. It's not really about you. My H and your W is deep in the A. They confuse pleasure with happiness, as my C would say. Let this ride out.
They do not want to come back because it means giving up the drug, the pleasure, the highs. They still haven't realized that the highs don't last, it doesn't matter if their A partner is Jennifer Lopez or Brad Pitt. When they figure it out, then they can come down to earth and REALLY think about whether it is worth it to reconcile. Until that time, don't even bother. Just GAL, take care of yourself and don't worry too much. I know it's hard to watch. Just think of them as people with problems and feel sorry for them. Try not to take it too personally.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Nah, no euphoric high from Brad Pitt for me. Ahh but if I could have an affair with Hugh Jackman or Christian Bale---well, I am fairly sure that high could last a while
JWM--
I use the penguins from Madagascar to deal with my H and his wierd stuff.
Your guess is probably right that she contact OM. But, you can't think, every time you assume that she did something wrong, that she is going to leave.
She agreed to no contact. Did she also agree to some sort of transparency plan to reassure you that she is not contacting him? If she agreed to no contact, there is no reason not to ask for that. Until she stops getting her "fix", her feelings and thoughts are fogged. You will continually get mad at her.
Your guess is probably right that she contact OM. But, you can't think, every time you assume that she did something wrong, that she is going to leave.
She agreed to no contact. Did she also agree to some sort of transparency plan to reassure you that she is not contacting him? If she agreed to no contact, there is no reason not to ask for that. Until she stops getting her "fix", her feelings and thoughts are fogged. You will continually get mad at her.
She has not agreed to a transparency plan. She won't acknowledge that she is seeing him so she thinks there no need. She is trying to drive it underground since she is so embarrassed that I found out. She is afraid I will tell everyone.
I have a question though...she can't be spending much time with him. She does not go out at night and does not have much time during the day when I'm at work. At home there is no contact. I can't imagine a guy staying in this very long with her not communicating with him or seeing him much...right?
If we get to joint MC I will bring up a transparency plan.
I'm sorry to sound crude, but if a guy gets laid out of the deal, for 20 minutes 2x/week, he's going to be getting enough.
If she balks at transparency, then she hasn't cut off contact, and you should say "The only thing I can assume, then, is that you are either still in contact with him, or are trying to leave that door open, OR, you're not willing to do the work necessary for me to feel like I can trust you again. All three of those are unacceptable to me, for my own protection."
I agree but right now she has agreed to go to MC only to discus how to communicate better with me regarding D7. She is not back in the M...she wants out.
