2008 = Crazy Year (Numb 19)

[lost_in_space]

wdid, I will try to keep fighting. I wil keep praying, but I am sure His lines are jammed...

I realize that part of my post above was cut off. Here it is again for completeness...
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It is this that I struggle with. The deception. To walk away knowing the deception continues, impacting the kids, is something I cannot bring myself to do.

It is this that I pray for daily - the strength to work through that and do the right thing, whatever that might be.

Sadly (or so it seems) I do still love W with all my heart. It is a heart that is hurt, crushed, torn apart - but also one that I now have a wall around. Isn't it ironic that I am still feeling this? It makes no sense but it is what it is.

It is because of those feelings that I have in essence let her go. She is doing what she wants when she wants. She lives a life right now that is really devoid of responsibility.

Will I get to the point where I agree to leave? I do not think so. She wants out, she is living a single life and continues to carry on outside our marriage and family. Maybe I will get there someday - but I am not there yet.

I know it may seem like I am emotionless - but I am not. I have shed more tears in these last 10 months than I ever have in my life.

Hopefully the prayers will be answered... soon.

Thank you once again. You truly are a dear friend. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being you.

Hopefully I can in some way show you my gratitude some day. For now all I have is

Thank you.