I love it when I read of positive events like these, Wii! I wish for many more for you. Teens sure can be a challenge, but they can also be a joy.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks Being Me! It's always a fine line for me, trying to let STBX deal with the life she has made for herself and being a responsible co-parent. Yesterday it just felt like it was time to step in a little and help her out. When she talks to me about D14 I never tell her what she should do, I just listen and empathize with the struggles she is having. She knows she needs to not react, walk away etc but often doesn't and feels badly about it, she doesn't need me preaching at her what she already knows. She takes the brunt of D14's badgering because she is Mom. It felt so nice yesterday to be with my family, as a family. STBX was attentive, personable and I could actually feel she enjoyed being with me yesterday. I don't see this as any breakthrough but I think she appreciated that I was there and we took on the big shopping adventure together. It was nice to have a really pleasant day together. When we were together we went everywhere as a family, did everything together but not anymore and that is the reality of separation. I'm not there to intercede between STBX and D14 so it's now largely on her own shoulders. She made her bed and I think she's feeling the lumps in it right now!
Hmm, I just returned from picking up daughters at STBX's place. Usually I come in and wait by the door but today she asked me if I'd like to come in and sit down, she then offered me a coffee. She then went upstairs to change and upon returning started to show me all the family pictures she'd loaded onto a digital picture frame. So we sat for about half an hour looking at the pictures and talking about "old times". She wants to scan all our old pictures and put them on a card for me. After I left I thought that once more we had a nice visit. I think this fractured family thing is on her mind. If it means we get along and can in some way be friends then I'm OK with it, anything to keep my family on the best terms it can be!
Wow! Where is the old STBX? BTW, where's the OP been lately? Still in the picture? I am glad that things are better between you ---- that will make the present family dynamics a lot nicer to deal with.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm glad to see you STBX is at least humane to you (at times). Every time I tlak to STBX, my stomach is in a knot because of er tone and demeanor. This makes parenting two crazy teenage duaghters doubly hard.
Hello Dbers, it's been a few days so I thought I'd share with you my wonderful day today...but first, my Sermon on the Keyboard (sort of like the Sermon on the Mount only with less media attention). What I've learned through this horrible period in my life (and yes, being betrayed and losing your 17 year M is horrible!) is that it is so important to do something different! You know the activity that you look at and say "maybe some other time", do it now! They are usually small things like starting a chat with someone you don't know or helping out with the church cleanup or whatever is there for you to do. It's the small stuff that builds into bigger stuff! Today, I went on my first school field trip with my D11's class. She asked me if I'd go a week or so ago and my first thought was "Uh uh, I'm busy at work blah blah blah" but then it occurred to me that SHE had asked me and therefore she wanted me there. It was a chance to see a part of her life that I'm normally not privledged to see, to meet her school friends and get to know her teachers so I said "Yes". We had a wonderful outing today and I led a group consisting of my D and 11 other kids around an exhibition and helped them find find answers in a scavenger hunt. It was kind of crazy and crowded but fun! Hey, if I can take groups of Psychiatric patients out on field trips I can handle a bunch of 11 year olds! As the trip ended the girls were busy taking pictures of their group and kept asking me to be in their photos with them, what a nice feeling. I also met another volunteer, a Mom and I did my new, friendly , outgoing Whatis routine but unfortunately didn't pick up a new bus buddy LOL! I noticed how easy it is for me now to try and connect whereas not long ago I wouldn't have even bothered. I had another nice interaction this morning as well, when D and I arrived at school an old teacher of hers was standing in the hallway waiting for her class. We had run into her the week before at the mall where she and I had a friendly little chat (she seemed to ignore STBX, to my extreme pleasure!). This teacher was and still is D11's favourite and mine too but for very different reasons ha ha! Anyway, when she saw me this morning she called out "hey, didn't we see each other just last week?" and I stopped and chatted with her again for a bit. When we said goodbye, it felt like I just ran into an old friend. It was a nice feeling to know that this woman, for whatever reason, wanted to interact with me and seemed to enjoy the opportunity. Remember, it's the small things that get you through this sh!t. So, because I went out of my normal comfort zone I had some really nice experiences today! Once again, I say DO IT DBers. No matter how much we've been crapped on, we can still turn things around just a little bit at a time. Every new experience, no matter how small, helps us get there.
Btw, talk about strange, I forget to mention that STBX is still treating me nicely, it's been over a week now! Whenever we interact she actually has a friendly, almost affectionate tone in her voice. We actually speak to each other like normal people! She even responds like she's interested...and I thought Halloween was over! This is really scary stuff...hmm, how will she pull the rug out from under me this time? Ooh, so cynical
Wii, those things can happen, and sometimes there are no strings attached. Now and then there can be "wake up" calls on the other side, which takes weeks, months, years or decades as I was warned about by x2's doctors. Our US Thanksgiving day was yesterday, which I spent at x1's with DD and DD's soon to be H and his family. Since it was such a large gathering, several tables were set up and I was at the one with my x1 and DD and her soon to be in-laws, minus x1's H who was at another table. My x1 was not only pleasant, but I suspect my DD's soon to be's were wondering what the H was going on between us per the table conversation (in reality nothing). I'm even wondering whats going on! Just wipe out 15 years of a big D like x1s H didn't exist. End of the day, I recalled x1 riding up the elevator with me and her attorney to the court house 15 years back, and before we got off her saying "I'm not sure I want to do this." Well, she did. But just maybe, you won't have to take the same ride. It was an interesting/puzzeling Thanksgiving on this end. No sign of x2, just as well. Getting tired of the credit card companies calling me to find out where she is. I can honestly say, "Don't know." Just keep being Wii. You are doing fine.
Hey, a Happy belated Thanksgiving, GB...and a happy Black Monday, Blue Tuesday, Green Wednesday, Pink Thursday, Puce Friday etc! I just returned from dropping off D's at STBX's place and once more she asked "what are your plans today? Would you like to stay for lunch?" WTF! I begged off saying I had plans...oh yeah, grocery shopping. In a way I felt bad because she was obviously being friendly, something I'd hoped for, and I pushed her away. I just feel it's not best to jump at every opportunity as though I have no life or plans, I'll say yes to some offers and no to others. I asked her if I could borrow some shrimp paste as I'm making a Filipino Vegetable Stew for tonight but she didn't have any on hand and advised me not to do it as I'll stink up my apartment. Oh well, I bought some anyway...I've got air freshener! Whew, a nice STBX...can Whatis take it?
