Apparently, what you're doing is working (no reminder in 2 months). Stay the course !
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Apparently, what you're doing is working (no reminder in 2 months). Stay the course !
LOL...stay the course...I will..I am....somehow I feel like I should have the...courage??...to tell her exactly how I feel, as you and Bill have suggested, but the last few days with her have been good.
Even though I ponder and worry, and say I may not believe what her actions are telling me, I do realize how important it is to be consistent and not let that resentment show just because I am not hearing what I want to hear.
Hey Cookie, I was thinking about you the last couple of days and "the power" you were talking about having in your relationship, and how the goal is a power equal relationship.
Watching her closely the last few days...she went out with the girls the other night...Sunday we spent the day home together relaxing and yesterday we worked on the living room.
I can see her now, enjoying what I think you meant as "power"...without a concern of a reaction from me....and like you said, it may or may not be conscious on her part, but nonetheless I think she may be enjoying it.
In some respects, I am enjoying it myself...allowing her to take charge of certain things and go with her flow more and more, takes away some of that perceived pressure that I had to control each and every situation in our marriage.
Something as simple as getting together to paint and redecorate the living room, in the past, would have been nothing more than a battle of wills. One that I would have won.
To watch her the last few days, deciding on colors, talking about her choices of furniture and accessories, I really felt the joy she was getting out of it.
In the past, even though I would have "given in" eventually, there would have been no joy for her in the end. I would have found fault in the whole process....selection, money, time...it would have been done, but I would have made sure it was turmoil....consciously or not, that is how it would have turned out.
Then, to start the work and allow her to lead the way, work together all this time without a snip, remark, correction or harsh word between the 2 of us.....whole new experience for me, and if she is not surprised by, and seeing it, than I real am on the wrong track.
Other things come to mind....the sex, finances...I have been pretty good these past months, but I also see how when I was not in control it still bothered me some.....and can see how I should not look at it as giving up control, but striving towards that power equal balance that you talked about.
Maybe a long way to go?...maybe we are pretty close?
I don't know, but she continues to give me hope that she is actually paying attention to the changes.
Now....if she could just bring herself to TELL me what is going on in that pretty little head of hers...LOL
