2008 = Crazy Year (Numb 19)

[lost_in_space]

Ust wanted to post something that I sent in an e-mail to GFw. She had sent W and I a very moving e-mail about praying for us and begging us to begin communicating to try and solve this (however that might be) for the sake of the k's.

Excerpts from my reply:

It is this that I struggle with. The deception. To walk away knowing the deception continues, impacting the kids, is something I cannot bring myself to do.

It is this that I pray for daily - the strength to work through that and do the right thing, whatever that might be.

Sadly (or so it seems) I do still love W with all my heart. It is a heart that is hurt, crushed, torn apart - but also one that I now have a wall around. Isn't it ironic that I am still feeling this? It makes no sense but it is what it is.

It is because of those feelings that I have in essence let her go. She is doing what she wants when she wants. She lives a life right now that is really devoid of responsibility.

Will I get to the point where I agree to leave? I do not think so. She wants out, she is living a single life and continues to carry on outside our marriage and family. Maybe I will get there someday - but I am not there yet.


Just needed to get that out there...