New Here-From Newcomers- hoping for more input...

[optimistwife]

Hi ITH,

Thanks for your input. I do think that you are very right about a lot of things you said. I set up our relationship as unequal very early on, by being the working one, paying all the bills, making all the decisions, while he was either applying to school, or now in school. Instead of being just his friend and lover, I became more like a mother (ick). Even though I would do anything for him (and did), he never saw it that way (now I know different love languanges). After his big setback in school he sought support from his friend. Yep- it killed me too to see all the things he would do with her, but never with me.

I do think that things are shifting back toward my direction. And he hasn't given up on the marriage yet- you are right. It seems like he is finding that all these 'great' friends maybe aren't going to be there in the long run (such as his EA- which he told me tonight that she's crazy- he hasn't talked to her in weeks. Wonder what happened there?)

We seem to be talking like friends these days. We've actually laughted a lot this weekend. He spend Sat night and all day Sun. here. He is more and more affectionate- and even called me sexy last night. And he woke up to ML! It really feels good to be around him again- it is like my old H- the good parts. I am trying to project my good parts too.

There was an interesting brief conversation... He woke up saying that he doesn't seem to sleep very well here- wasn't sure if it was the pets, the ML in the middle of the night, or just he was more used to his other bed. I agreed that it was possibly all of these things. I said that we could fix that in the future by getting a king size bed. He didn't say anything after that.

It is funny he said that- because I do think I sleep better alone at this point too! Now that I am not grief stricken at night, I am used to spreading out, having all the covers, etc. It is great to have him next to me in winter thought, and I do like just having our legs intertwined or touching.

Well, this is getting lengthy. I'll finish more later...