Here's the letter I'm writing. I may edit it a little but it's basically it.
Dear WH, Today, I took a shot at the whole discussion thing and I don’t feel that we got very far. So, once again, I find myself writing you a letter to get everything out. It is my hope that one day we will be able to talk to each other again. Almost eleven years ago, we made vows to each other. Part of those vows was for better or worse and this is definitely a time where the latter comes into play. I am committed to our marriage and have faith that together we can make it better again. Like I said earlier, I am happy that you decided to come home. I believe that we can get thru this together and come out of it a stronger couple than ever. Unfortunately, there are some conditions that should have been set before you moved back home. I didn’t do it two weeks ago and haven’t done it yet out of extreme fear of you leaving again. At the same time, by me not setting some boundaries, I am doing an incredible disservice to myself. I need to start taking care of myself for the betterment of everyone involved. With that being said, this is what needs to happen in order for you to stay in the house with us and to make any reconciliation possible…….. 1. You have to cut all contact with Sonja. A marriage consists of two people not three. There is no way to have a relationship with her and try to reconcile with me at the same time. And you can’t wean yourself off of that relationship because it won’t help make it any easier. 2. There has to be complete transparency on your part. I need to know where you are, who you’re with, and when you’ll be home. If you’re going to be late, even 5 minutes, I need you to call and tell me. Leaving me to wonder and speculate is mean and hurtful. I need to have access to your cell phone and the cell phone bills. I had complete trust and confidence in you and it was totally shattered into a million pieces. I hate the feeling of not being able to trust you. Every time you walk out that door, it pains me over and over again. You’ll need to provide pertinent information, such as any contact attempted or made, without me having to ask. If I have to ask, I will think you are trying to hide it again. 3. You need to decide on marriage counseling or seeing a counselor by yourself. There is just no way around this. If you feel that the counselor and I will be attacking you, then see someone on your own. Some things in life you just have to have help figuring out. 4. I need to be able to ask any question about the affair and know that I will get a complete and truthful answer from you. Don’t start being afraid of hurting me now, there are things I need to know so that I can heal from all this. If the answers are dishonest or incomplete, that will only make it hurt more when the complete & honest truth comes out. You might hear the same questions over and over, but please be patient with me and keep answering them. I understand that this is a lot to take in right now and probably seems impossible at the moment, but I am here to help you in any way I can. This is going to be a long, difficult road but I would rather travel it with you than without you.
