W called the house phone a few minutes ago. I waited till D13 picked it up. A minute later D13 transfers the call to me because 'mom wants to talk to you'.
W say hi and tells me that she's going to pick up D13 and take her out to dinner. I said that was great and I hope they have fun.
Then she says 'I had D13 transfer the call because I know that you don't always get the message from her that we have dinner plans.'
I said 'yeah, that's true she doesn't always tell me'.
Then she says "I'll pick her up a little before 6"
Me "Ok, sounds good" (it's 3:40 now)
Her "I'll be finished working in about 20 minutes"
Me "All right, we'll see you when you get here. Bye"
My theory is she is respecting the fact that you hold the position as physical custodial parent Frank. I think it's indicative of the respect she is developing for you in light of the way you are handling yourself.
Do you see that as a bad thing?
Would you rather she were calling and asking D13 behind your back if you'd been drinking?
No you would not. Because that would be DISrespectful.
So how can giving you "details" - when you've acknowledged D13 often doesn't offer them herself - be perceived as a bad thing?
OR
Is it that you are looking for hope in what could be referred to as something meaningless - and you want me to tell you this is a good thing?
Well Frank, it IS a good thing.
'cause what have you got if you don't have respect?
Frank, I think all positive interactions are fantastic.
Need I really offer my opinion of where they can lead?
Come on, look at the dime my sitch has turned on!
Yes, I believe they ALL matter.
Those interactions are really only meaningless if you're attaching an immediate expectancy to them, Frank. Which I think you are still in danger of doing and it makes me hesitant to tell you they're good.
But duh, yes, they ARE GOOD.
If you want me to comment on her lying to that lady (a lie by omission is still a lie) that was your wife trying to not get into personal details in a public setting. And trying to save a little face, too, I am sure.
Be still and let everything add up to what it will, Frank.
Today is our anniversary. 17 years. Yeah, it hurts.
Gosh, Frank, how surreal...I was just thinking yesterday (the day you posted this) that it was exactly six months since our sixteenth anniversary, so we are exactly six months behind you! All of our anniversaries (dating, engagement, and wedding) are on the 23rd, although all different months and years! (H planned it that way so it would be easier for him to remember. I think he does still remember, but not happily, and he doesn't acknowledge any of them since the bomb.)
I don't have any advice for you at the moment, Frank, but I am watching your thread, and you sound like you're doing about as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Take care of yourself.
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Amy is right. It is usually the little things we tend to over look in our situations, I know I am guilty of it. Hey, I never thought I would still be married 14 months after the bomb. I look at each day being a miracle.Just keep doing what you know is right.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I'm waiting for W to ask if we have money for a mediator so we can get divorced. Of course one problem I have is that now I am making money I may be forced to file to protect myself financially.
On another note, W took D13 out to dinner last night. After she dropped her off she called me to tell me that D13 hadn't done her 3 homework projects yet. Then went on to tell me I have to keep better track of her homework, and that SHE would also call her every day. Now D13 is in 8th grade and should be dealing with these things on her own, and face consequences when she doesn't.
So ok, I get the blame for this round.
On friday I bought D13 a laptop. She has been aski9ng for one for the past year and since I got a bit ahead financially I decided to take her shopping and she got what she wanted.
So she showed it to W and I asked W what she thought about it. She said it was nice but she wouldn't have "done it the way I did", then said "well it's your money so I don' have any say in how you spend it. I just hope you don't go on a big spending spree and buy a bunch of expensive toys then go broke and not be able to sell any of them".
I said that I'm not buying anything for me. Just a car for D17 and a computer for D13.
She sure seems upset that I'm making money now. I know she's always broke but I've also been paying some of her credit cards down for her.
This morning she's over and I'm lying in my bed instead of going downstairs because I need to back off a bit. So she comes to my room and asks me what our local tax rate is for retail because she's filling out a form to order graduation stuff for D17 and it has a line for local sales tax.
I told her that I wasn't sure exactly, but just look on one of the store receipts and it'll be there. So she thanked me and left.
This is my life. I started to pick up the rope and now I'm dropping it before I get rope burns.
One other thing. Last night I was driving D17 home from her boyfriends house. I mentioned that her mom was in a bad mood today and she said that "She has to work out her own issues".
I mentioned that W had said she and D17 had a big argument the other day. D17 tells me what happened.
Apparently one morning last week D17 asked W to please wash the dishes that she uses when she comes over in the morning. D17 said that if she doesn't then D17 has to do them.
W said to D17 'well I clean up things and usually empty the dishwasher when I come over'.
D17 said that it's fine but then she leaves pans on the stove and dishes on the counter often. Then D17 says "You don't live here and when you're a guest in someones house you should be neater"
Whoa.
D17 says that W replied "F - you!"
I didn't know what to say.
D17 went on to say that W shouldn't act like she lives here because she doesn't.
W said to D17 'well I clean up things and usually empty the dishwasher when I come over'.
D17 said that it's fine but then she leaves pans on the stove and dishes on the counter often. Then D17 says "You don't live here and when you're a guest in someones house you should be neater"
Whoa.
D17 says that W replied "F - you!"
I didn't know what to say.
D17 went on to say that W shouldn't act like she lives here because she doesn't.
Your daughter is right.
And your wife is SO FAR out of line with that response to D17 that I don't even know what to say.
I do want to know one thing though - what in the world would make you buy such a big ticket item for D13 one month before Christmas?
Anything and everything else is going to pale by comparison.
And your wife was already dealing with the realization that nothing she could provide for either of the girls would amount to a hill of beans.
But now it's basically been thrown in her face just how utterly disadvantaged she is. Understand this is WAW mentality talking to you. But "little" stuff like this is what is likely to get her hackles up and make her fight for half of everything you own.
And Frank, she will get it.
You need to be careful not to offend her too much.
