Oh and Dan said something again today about how we do get along well for periods of time but them some conflict comes along that screws everything up. I wanted to tell him "Hello that's called LIFE" but I just smiled and waved....
Yes that is life. Why is it that he can't see that. I would have been dying to be there to see the look on Dan's face during the sermon. At least he is still going to church. H stopped going with us long ago.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
Bbj, just continue and keep walking your way. He is a mess and immature. He sounds like a spoiled kid that wants it all but is too lazy to work for anything. Not your problem. I hope you realise that, although the emotions are too strong and making it hard for you. K
H has a pet peeve of people (me in particular)apologizing for something that isn't their fault. Like if he says his head is killing him from a crappy day at work and I say, "Sorry you feel like crap", he will say, "Why are you sorry? You didn't do it!"
It is part of him believing that I take things way too personally (and I admit this HAS been an issue for me but I am getting a lot better since these boards and IC), he likes to say "It's not all about you, BBJ"...Like when he is in a bad mood and I assume he is upset with me when it is something else entirely..
Anyway that is my longwinded way to say that any kind of "sorry" from me, unless I did something specific, is not well received. So I tend to say, "Well that sucks", or "Too bad you feel (xyz) today", because that leaves me out of it...
In unrelated news H just got in from farm stuff about 30 minutes ago. He came in and said "Where do you want this?"
I looked down the stairs and he had come in with two big fountain pops (sodas) from the gas station. I know that sounds really romantic but actually that has been one of his 'gestures' for me. Early in the relationship I used to get irritated b/c he would pump gas, go in to pay, and come out with something to eat or drink for himself, nothing for me. I would say, WTF? and he would say if you wanted something you could have gotten out and gotten it.....anyway in the past few years he has come around and when he goes places he usually brings me something or, if I am with him, will ask me before he goes in if I want anything. So at least he is being pleasant...
And I told him how bad my throat was hurting tonight and he said he would take S6 to karate so I could rest for awhile (Sydney is taking a late nap).
SO now I get to be a lump for 30 minutes while they are at karate...
Hang in there....I know this sucks right now. Hopefully this will all play itself out for the best in a little while. I could comment on your husband's actions or words then and now but I have said enough. You take care of yourself and the kids!
And I am not reading anything into it, John, his being nice is just as likely guilt as anything else. I am just going to keep taking care of me and the kids...
Today's sermon was so appropriate. I would love to know what thoughts were going through your H's head during that sermon. If I were you I would have been dying to glance over at him to get a read on his reaction.
You're right - try not to read into his every action, just keep taking care of yourself and the kids.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I 've been there, God those were the worst months of my life (only, I sent him off to sleep on the sofa, otherwise I would had killed him in his sleep). He couldn't make a decision, it was like trying to pull several teeth out and being bad at it. He was nice to everybody else and cruel at me at the same time, he would stay away from the house as much as possible, he would be tender with the kids in front of me while I was dying to be the object of his affection but he would look at me and there was...nothing. There was a huge contrast, I watched him spin and change his mind so often and as result his behaviour also. I took everything personally back then; my confidence was at its lowest point, I felt like... garbage (Greek translated directly to English).
Him moving out, although very painful, was the best thing that happened for me then. I relaxed, broke down (did many silly stuff like sropped eating etc etc), but was no longer walking on eggshells, feeling frustrated even during my sleep. After a month of pain, I made that "turn". A month later I joined here.
Why am I saying all this? I guess just to tell you I can relate to the "I am lost, I have no clue what I want to do" theme. Love K
Ps 18 months later I find myself confused and not knowing what to do. Life has a twisted sense of humor.
but actually that has been one of his 'gestures' for me. Early in the relationship I used to get irritated b/c he would pump gas, go in to pay, and come out with something to eat or drink for himself, nothing for me. I would say, WTF? and he would say if you wanted something you could have gotten out and gotten it.....anyway in the past few years he has come around and when he goes places he usually brings me something or, if I am with him, will ask me before he goes in if I want anything. So at least he is being pleasant...