tying another knot #8

[Babygirl]

crissy, he had made a comment earlier in the week about maybe not going, and I just responded well the kids are excited, make sure if you go in, you leave us the durango please. dropped it, this morning when he got up late, I did say I didnt think he was going since he slept in, but told him to be careful on the drive in with all the deer. And we would call him when we got home. mind you this was at 7 am, he called at 820 and said i am on my way home, church is at 9.

tonite we took the younger 2 to my exh for church with him, D16 and i went with H into work, nothing weird on his desk, the special rock I gave him on the dinner nite of the love dare, that i carved the word love into, was finally there, but it was face down, but it was there right?

ok the sermon......it was about us and our whys???? instead of us thinking about the will of god. you know we all think it probably every day. I know I do. it covered 4 major whys we have in life: (had a church member who had one of the tell thier story)
1 The why of family rejection
2 the why of physical adversity
3 the why of chaotic circumstances
4 the why of hopeless odds

you can only imagine the emotional sermon this was!! I couldnt hold back the tears, the people who talked, it was unbelievable. they covered everything, adultry, abuse, bad parents, divorce, addictions, cancer/illness, accidents, teenage prodigals. such terrible things, all the emotions that we all feel, but to me and my friends here, look at those 4 things, dont we all have those 4 whys in our life? so many things were talked about, and instantly I had so many of you running in my head with me, it was so overwhelming. i literally was afraid to even look at H, somewhere deep inside me, i fear he thinks i probably set up the sermons of late lol,I think I did see him wipe a tear at one point.
I am telling you it was just amazing. I am going to email the church and ask them to let me know when they get it uploaded, so I can pass it on to you guys. i know I struggle so hard with the whys, and not the faith that god will get me thru it, or what his plan is. i have to trust in him in everything, not for everything, because the time will come, when me, and you, we will walk out of the why, and we will survive, and have the knowledge, and the truth that god didnt let us go, he carried us all through it. maybe part of my whole real sitch is also with god, as my church experience with exh had totally made me run from church, YOU my friends here, got me back into touch and my relationship with god, and a different healing, than the best I am sorry from my H could ever give me. and I do believe god is working, and he hasnt left me. I thank you all for that.