Stage 3 - Everything Would Be Great If YOU Changed.
Stage 4 - That's Just The Way My Partner Is.
Stage 5 - Together, At Last!
Where do you see your relationship as being at now on the marriage map? Well Pre-Bomb in early 2002 I was in Stages 3 & 4 now after DBing for over a year I'm at stage 4 trying to be patient with hubby in MLC & simply riding the roller coaster with it's daily changes
Stage 2 What have I done! is where hubby is at while he's in Stage 3 Replay of MLC althou at this point he's recouping here at home I've tried to simply "Act As If" all is well & have been doing my best to make him comfortable with out any pressure to feel that he's got to be home for good - which he's not ready for right now
For both you and your partner? Well Pre-Bomb in early 2002 I was in Stages 3 & 4 while i was trying to get my real estate license upgraded dealing with the teen rebellion at home dealing with getting my husbands doctors all on the same page dealing with the docs for my grandmother who wants to stay home as long as possible (she's had 2 episodes of congested heart failure) all i wanted was to move into our own home & i was very frustrated that hubby wasn't getting a move on the process & that hubby wasn't doing all that the docs were saying to get himself into better health
unbeknownst to me hubby was entering MLC & went from stage 1 Passion Prevails as late as August 2002 according to a few people who told me that that wished they made marriages like ours -(these were people from his job who said he spoke of us frequently) into stage 2 What have I done! & at this point also stage 2 & 3 of MLC Anger & Replay in September 2002 when the drinking increased & then he left to go home to mommy in Oct 2002 after he'd gotten the diagnosis of diabetes on top of the chronic Sarcoid which was in full blast since the summer
What stages have you been to already? I left Stage 1 & 2 early in the marriage - actually I hit stage 2 & called the townhall to find out about annulments within the 1st 6 mths then I settled down & got educated by some married couples marriage is something that is worked at & sometimes it's hard! being a realist & having to clean up hubby's messes with the finances I got into Stage 3 & 4 & stayed there for years thru DB I've learned alot & seem to be mostly in Stage 4 at this point I'm not sure if hubby's really noticed that or if he's still worried that I'm in Stage 3
What stages have you spent the most time in, I think that I've spent most of the marriage in stages 3 & 4 From what I've gotten from hubby's talks hubby apparently spent most of our marriage in Stages 1 & 2 & my being in Stage 3 has hurt his feelings
and which ones have you seemed to breeze right through, or maybe even bypassed? I think for myself I spent the least amount of time in Stage 1 went thru Stage 2 quickly for a total of 2 yrs for the 2 stages since then I've been in either Stages 3 or 4 depending on life circumstances I'm totally amazed that hubby was able to tell me in his honest opinion that he was in stage 1 for so many years it's because he left Stage 1 that he hangs out now in MLC Replay stage & Marriage map Stage 2 What Have I done? or something like that visa versa?
How do you feel about the thought of bouncing back and forth between stages? I have seen it in my own marriage I have on occassion bounced back into stages 1 & 2 but mostly hung out in stages 3 & 4 during this crisis I've seen myself bounce from stage 4 & 2 where I've wanted to just run away myself but this site has helped me to realise that running is pointless
About the stages sometimes being "three steps forward, and two steps back"? It's an old saying that my grandmother has told me for years this crisis has shown it to be so true
Does this help to give you hope for where you're at on the map right now?! this site & that advice gives me the strength to see this to the end while my sitch may not be what i want i see couples here in worse sitchs it gives me hope as hubby & i are still connecting the OWhore may have hooks in hubby, but he's never moved in with her the fact that he's still trying to deny her is good the fact that he comes to me for care is good the fact that we still make love is good there are couples living together who aren't making love so in my heart i know that we as a couple no matter what comes out of hubby's MLC Foggy Mouth right now there is still a hope that we'll get to the point where we'll be able to relax a bit in Stage 5 One of theses days
To quote Michele....
Quote: Quoting :The quality and quantity of love you feel for each other are never stagnant. Love is dynamic. So is marriage. The wiser and more mature you become, the more you realize this. The more you realize this, the more time you and your spouse spend hanging out in Stage 5. Together, at last.
Your thoughts on this? I'm treading water in stage 4 waiting for the day when we can celebrate in stage 5 & look back at this MLC as something to laugh about whenever we look at the M&M RollerCoaster dispenser
For me, the possibilities are overwhelming!!!!
Any thoughts, suggestions or advice would be welcome
