Trixi aka "The Pitbull who can't let go"

[Trixi]

Wow NikB. What you said about possessiveness, etc makes a lot of sense. And I TOTALLY get why you were pissed. Oh, and speaking of 'teenager' attitude-- I have been going back to your thread over and over to see if you have thought of something to make your relationship more meaningful and deep. Did you think of something? (I think my H and I are stuck in that rut of it's all play play play.)

Well, unfortunately I did NOT see your post earlier, so I did talk to him today. Actually, I have SS laptop that he left at the inlaws, so my H wanted to get that anyway.

This whole thing with my stepson is a mess. Stepson has no car or license. The nearest bus-stop is 9 miles from the house. My H has recently helped my daughter with rent $ and all 4 of us, still consider each other family. IOW, my daughter will call my H, my SS told my H when this all went down last year that I would always be his 'mama' and he would not be cutting me out of his life. Sooooo, I felt I needed to help with transporting SS around given that my mother-in-law can't drive at night unless she is very familiar with the roads.

I am glad that I went inside and talked with them so we could compare notes and figure out what sort of shuck and jive stories are being told. And I definitely think that ALL the adults that are going be dealing with SS should meet to discuss a plan of action and to make sure we are all communicating. SS is counting on the adults not talking and not verifying what he says.

I thought of an analogy that might help my H understand how I am feeling. He just helped my daughter with rent. If he found out I was taking her out clothes shopping (to encourage her to spend her money) he would be ticked that he was helping her out financially.

What I think would have been right/good/nice is for us to band together to help SS. I am feeling resentful; like I am supposed to do the scut work. I feel like I have responsiblity, but not the authority to affect any changes.
I am going to try to find an al-anon meeting because I feel like I'm enabling by not telling my in-laws and I am not clear what I 'should' do.

And, the ultimate irony: because of my H's rebellious frame of mind, having the in-laws warm up to me will probably make him NOT be warm towards me.