I feel that I need to be able to look my kids in the face when they are older & be able to honestly tell them that their dad did everything he could to work on fixing his marriage to their mom.
Doing everything you can could mean getting strong, letting go and demanding respect. That is what is needed here. You don't seem to want to see that. Don't fool yourself with the thinking that you are taking the high road. What you have been doing is NOT working. Seems like you are the only one who doesn't want to see that. She is crying out for you to get some backbone here. She knows deep down inside that she is walking all over you. A woman can't have feelings of love when they don't have respect. Women RESPECT men who stand up to them. AND getting her respect can most definitely lead to loving feelings coming back. That is the reason why you have to demand RESPECT FIRST. (first rule of order) She can't feel good about herself now because she knows she is treating you terribly, and yet you take it again and again. For some unknown reason, you seem to think this is "taking the high road." Would you rather be right or be married?
You seriously need to re-evaluate your methods. They are not working. You haven't tried letting go and getting strong yet and showing her that you will NOT tolerate her actions anymore. You have not shown her that YOU are taking charge now and making the best decisions for YOU, and if that includes divorce and such... So be it. You are confusing being a doormat with doing everything. You will feel much better about yourself when you take the bull by the horns and become a man of action and decisiveness instead of following her lead. Women are not attracted to men like this. Your situation proves this yet again.
I recommend you re-evaluate your method of handling this and stop going by your "feelings." As you may well know, feelings are not the best way to run your life.
This is all fine and good for a man that has been a pushover thoughout the M. Unfortunately K has not. If I understand correctly he has been an angry, overbearing a-hole who has always needed to be right at any cost. She has felt powerless throughout the M and now is reveling in it. Sucks for K but not for her. Is her A right, hell no and it should stop but your in a catch 22.
If you go the PDT way and demand that she stop seeing him or else, I would bet money on the fact that she will be gone and you will be in court fighting a custody battle. However going the path K has chosen makes him vulnerable to being taken advantage of but I think that is the way to go at this time. The OM lives in AK and they do not see each other everyday and gives K a chance to show his best side.
Will she acknowleadge anything good, NO, will she look at the bad, YES but this is typical WAW BullSh**. She does come to you for advice, she seems to care how you feel and does resect your boundries you have layed down. Could she be using you, hell ya but I thinks its your best chance right now to possibly win her back.
She is not batchitt crazy just very, very confused and frustrated at the moment and with your bouncing back and forth between being nice and being your old self she does not know who you are.
Whether you win her back or not you need to work on yourself and become happy with that person and consistant. If in 4 months you get a divorce you will still have to co-parent with her and its much easier if you are friendly with her. You will have to work out visitation and finances with her.
Do what you want here K but you know how you have been in the past and you need to do the opposite. You need to be happy with how you handle it and need to live with yourself.
