Ok, not anything surprising. Dan is... broken and will be soon sleeping on the floor on a matress at a friend's house. Choices, choices...
Did you do all the talking and he was just agreeing or he talked too? God this reminds me so much... A bit sureal, different, relaxed, huh? Yep I have had these moments.
Dont back down Bbj, after Thanksgiving show him the door. Take a trip with the kids, start living your life. No need to be scared. I know you love Dan, he has been your man for so long but trust me, you are going to be alright. Let him spin. People get confused and lose themselves but eventually they must figure it out. Nothing you can do at this point. Love K
He talked much more than usual, I would just stop talking and wait for him to talk, or I would say my view on a particular thing (dating, etc) and then ask his thoughts, and he would share.
He acts very sad about the whole thing, said the only reason he doesn't want to come to my family functions even though I go to his is b/c he has done so much to hurt me when I have done nothing to hurt him, so it is different for him to be around my family than me to be around his...
It was weirdly comfortable. Knowing Dan, he will scramble to find a house ASAP b/c he will HATE living in someone else's house. Plus living with Tom won't give him room to keep the kids overnight....
Bbj, let him do whatever he feels right. I know you hurt. You have done everything. Have faith this is happening for a reason. Go get "secret" and be positive. Let this play out. Dont analyse too much in your head. Let things be. Breathe. K
he said if you find the rusty nail lodged in my frontal lobe please pull it out, it has been driving me crazy...
or do him a favor and bury it deeper..he's proven that there's not much in there to damage..May even kill that Bat..
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He said he knew that, there was one day this week he was satisfied, when he had put in a good day at work, then did some chores on the farm, then spent time with his kids. That all of those things made him happy...
and you would think he could find it in himself to do that everyday..
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I asked him how we should respond now when they made those comments, he said that is one thing he hasn't figured out yet..........
Dan's got some explaining to do to the kids..do not do it for him..
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He said he wanted to take a trip together with me and the kids???
wants out but wants to play family when he can..
I think you handled things well BBJ..I'm proud of you for all you have done over the last few months and all you have put up with. I think you are awesome. I think Dan is a fool.
Kalni has given you some good advice..show him the door..take that trip for you and the kids..if you come east..yell...The Smokie Mountains are a neat place..
"He said he knew that, there was one day this week he was satisfied, when he had put in a good day at work, then did some chores on the farm, then spent time with his kids. That all of those things made him happy..."
Not to be a as*.. but he left you out of that situation. I was trying to catch up.. and ran across the end of this thread.
1 of 2 things.. he is lacking something.. or he is lying to you.. that I am sure of.
"He said he thought as recently as 3 weeks ago that we were going to be staying together....he couldn't point to any one thing that changed his mind..."
This says it all.. you don't make this kind of choice without reason.
He is back on the fence for some reason.. and I am not caught up enough to to have a clear picture.
"He acts very sad about the whole thing, said the only reason he doesn't want to come to my family functions even though I go to his is b/c he has done so much to hurt me when I have done nothing to hurt him, so it is different for him to be around my family than me to be around his..."
This is him waffling big time. That was either the biggest line of BS.. or how he really feels.
I am gonna have to go back and read some more.. for now.. just back off some... or take a strong stance on him staying out the other night.
You are responding better now.. I like that.. he is still telling me with his words.. that you come across a bit strong.. thats ok.. I just don't think he was ready for it.
Build some mystery.. it might do you some good.
If you could.. can you give me a quickie.. on the time after Rout? I seem to remember.. he was not following thru on some stuff you guys picked up there.
Anyway.. good morning..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
BBJ, I only have time to read your first post right now but I want to comment on it.
My H too doesn't mind if he plays, but he wants to call the shots. If your H lets you play, he gives up some control. I think it one of the few things that they control. Funny that they complain that we don't want to play, then when we do they don't want us too.
Your H hasn't found a T that has helped!?!?! WTF?! My H kept going to his worthless T for too long because his T told him what he wanted to hear. When H went to a psychiatrist he didn't like what the first one said was wrong so he went to a different one.
Everyone wants to fix your H?!?! Maybe everyone but your H realizes that he is broken. Remember your H needs to fix himself, unfortunately it might be later rather than sooner.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
So H slept on couch again, in his clothes, again....pitiful
Kids got up at 7 and went looking for H, found him sleeping in the basement...
We all ate breakfast together, and then went to church together. H has complained practically since Nathan was born about us being late to church. It was even a topic for Dialogue at Retro. How he hates to be late to church, would rather not go than rush around, etc.
I did a 180. Had the kids and I ready, dressed, and in the car before H came out...all he had to go was get in the car. We got there on time, for once! We went to a new church today.
It was interesting, the sermon was all about how we should be grateful we are children of God, that God gives us the power to avoid sin and that when we are tempted, all we have to do is ask him to help us avoid temptation. Then pastor talked about how once we have messed up in a major way, the only way to fix it is to ask God to forgive us. That we will walk around with a hole inside until we do that....he even specifically mentioned that a husband who has screwed up and hurt his wife needs to tell his wife he is sorry and seek forgiveness rather than avoiding the situation....
I was on the edge of my seat the entire time...:-)
After church we came home and ate lunch. Dan went to do chores but said he would be home for supper. Then he just stopped by 10 minutes ago to tell me he was taking the tractor to a town 40 miles away to get it fixed (he broke a part on it yesterday trying to load the cattle feeder)....I just said, fine.
So I told him to go do whatever he wants to do with his life and he is going to church with us, eating meals with us, living with us....
Oh and Dan said something again today about how we do get along well for periods of time but them some conflict comes along that screws everything up. I wanted to tell him "Hello that's called LIFE" but I just smiled and waved....
