Step Number 1 - Part 2

[Jamesjohn]

ie. most often I am annoyed with having to go to h instead of him comming to me (an old pattern returning)...so tonight after putting the kids to bed I went and sat outside on the hammock....h came down and sat on the picknic table nearby

This was good. You found something that broke the pattern, and it seemed to work! Keep small things like this in your mind. Anything to change the rythym of the dance a bit.

so I guess for me it's sit back...breath in...breath out...keep busy...keep happy...try not to let resentment show or build and see what happens from there.

I guess, for right now anyway, that will work. However, both you and I know that this won't last for long. If you have ANY thoughts of taking over the WAW role, we both know that SOMETHING has to be different. I also know that the "it takes time and patience" is something that you're probably tired of hearing. Those words can only take you so far.

"Punting" IS one option, but that's almost kind of an act of "giving up" for you. It just seems to lead you to more frustation. I can understand why having some R talks is important to you, and there's really nothing in the "rules" forbidding that. Especially in your stage of the game.

I think that one thing that's going to be key to your reaching "stage 5" again is NOT going to be avoiding these talks, just because you don't seem to be the type of person that can do that comfortably. You might want to look at some ways to address this stuff more effectively for both of you, without avoiding it.

But, of course, I think you know all this already!

I don't have an immediate "fix" for you here, my dear, but maybe as we go through these steps, we might be able to find something that will work better for you.

You have at least got him back on your side of the fence, even though it doesn't seem like he's fully "vested" into the deal. I'm sure that there are some ways to get him to fully buy back into your relationship. The "hammock" deal makes it sound like there IS hope. We just need to find the right combination here!