WOW!!!! I am ...flabbergasted, my flabber gast has never been so flabbered, etc.
She called YOU !? To ask you to set up MC for after the New Year !!?
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!! *does a little victory dance around the room wearing pants on my head*
From the speed of her reaction, as you say.. you have some control back and she is a little scared. You have rocked her awake from the coma she has been in for years Jeff. I see this snowballing.. when she realises you mean business. I am very happy for you! Your letter worked! This division of labour thing is a pain in the *rse... what is her problem with taht?? I'm telling you, take a part time job or do 2 extra hours at work to pay for a cleaner and tell her you are taking her out for cocktails whilst the maid clears up...
Life is too short for excessive housework, IMO.
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I am a big believer in the weekly maid service. Not that I have one now, but when the kids were young I did. It's so nice to walk in the door just one day a week, and have the house looking nice.
((((Jeffy Poo)))) I am so glad that you W wants to do MC!!! That is such a positive step!!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Jeff, Yahooo! Your letter shook up that hard shell your w has around her a little. Jeez, with the division of labor stuff. You are talking about a possible end to your marriage and she is still stuck on that stuff. She needs to move on already!
Anyway, I am so happy for you that you feel you have taken control of your life. And there are a lot of positives that came out of it.
Look into what she is complaining about with an objective eye. Validate what she is right about, agree to change what you can and go on from there.
(((((Michelle))))) Yes, things are moving. I need to make sure that I don't get complacent!
(((((goldey))))) You have hit on one of my concerns. It seems to me that anything that involves taking care of the M is my responsibility. In the end, we all know that won't work.
(((((Ali)))))(((((Sara)))))(((((Donna))))) We have had a maid service in the past. It might be worth trying again.
(((((Lola))))) I hope that her wanting MC is a big thing. I am a bit concerned that it will be her way of keeping things as they are, but being able to say she is trying. I can't believe Mr. Glass-half-full would think that!
I know you probably have, but in lots of the WAW stuff there is quite a lot of emphasis on the wife feeling like a skivvy/ feeling taken for granted etc. In fact when h and I were having troubles the fact that I felt like his skivvy caused me a lot of resentment towards him. He did not get that AT ALL but those were my feelings and his lack of understanding really upset me. In fact when he left, amid my devastation the one positive thing that went through my mind was at least I no longer have to get home and pick up all his stuff and do his washing etc. Now, in retrospect h was not that bad but it became an issue for me. I just needed h to listen to my irrational, unfair moans and then listen to my plan for devising a new helpful way of doing things. And then, in some small way show some action - even one small thing rather than everything I suggested would have been enough. Controlling? Me? never!!
This is just my experience. We all know it is usually not one big thing that causes marital discord but a build up of tiny unimportant things. I feel this is a DBing opportunity for you. You never know, once you turn over that first domino (to quote Jody) other more positive things may start to happen rather than divorce discussions.
Also, yay on the MC that is great news. Are you going to look for a solution based one? MWD's office may be able to recommend some in your area?
I'm so please that she is mulling all that you have said over. I think you have made an impact.
Here's the thing about the division of labor. It "feels" to me that it is more a product of her resentment of men in general (which for obvious reasons gets directed at me) than it is about what actually happens. I hope that MC, or in the end IC might get to the bottom of that. For now I will try to be objective, and see what I can do, without becoming a doormat. It does seem a foolish thing to lose a M over. Which is why I think the issue is deeper. Her way of dealing with this issue seems a bit over the top to me.
Last night when W got home from work, S14 was acting really slow. She asked how he'd been through the day, and I said that there had been a few times that I though he seemed down, and I'd asked him if he was ok, he always said he was. He's had a cold, I think it has gotten a bit worse. He stayed home from school today, and looked pretty out of it. Anyway, last night, he an W were snuggling on the sofa after she got home. After a bit, I said, "Since he has you pinned there, can I get you anything?" She said, "That's very kind." And they both asked for ice cream, and she asked for a bowl of tortilla soup. That's the second time in a week that she has recognized something kind I did (I can't for the life of me remember the other, but I think I wrote about it!) Maybe that is a good thing.
I just realized this morning that if S19 and THREE girls (long story, one is the GF, one is her roomate, and one is the backup driver in case the roomate couldn't come) are going to be visiting from school this weekend, W may be sleeping in the bed again. I need to tidy up! It's not bad, but I can make it better! She hasn't mentioned it, but she didn't last time, either.
