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Most people are much happier in their second marriages because they've learned from their mistakes."

Well from the way W has described it, her M #2 (before I was even a twinkle in her eye) was pretty bad so I doubt that she learned very much.

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What are your thoughts about when Michele says "Unless you understand that "marriage" doesn't make people happy, you will spend the rest of your life trading in marital partners for new ones."?

I wholeheartedly agree with this one! I admit that I was not very happy before W and I had our big falling out back in January of last year and was in a depressed fog for three months following that - a real mess. But from sessions with my C, reading a number of relationship books and the fine people on the DB BB, I have felt for the past several months that I am firmly in control of my own happiness. Yes my M is still on somewhat shaky ground and I am currently drawing unemployment, but there is only so much that I can control. I cannot control having employers offer me a job (although I can definitely influence them by my resume and the interviewing process) nor do I control where our M will lead except to say that I will not stand in W's way. I do feel that if she does leave, we all will lose and W will have to answer for her decisions - even if it is only in her mind.

I forget who originally said this but "He who does not remember history is condemned to repeat it." Often I feel that W is attempting to relive her own past (two failed M's, the failed M of her parents) because she does not have the strength and/or knowledge to break the pattern. I have suggestions - but W needs to be receptive to new ways to do things. Heck, that's something that I need to keep in mind as well...

Bob