Quote: An affair doesn't have to ruin a marriage".
no an affair doesn't have to ruin a marriage. But it certainly does take something away from it.
Quote: "Most people can survive infidelity and can, in fact, make their marriage stronger once they work through the issues infidelity has brought into their lives."
sure they can and often do creat better stronger marriages once the "issues" have been worked through, BUT (yeah yeah I know that infamous but) the a being the catalyst for the change is often felt as a scar, can lead to resentment etc. of course those feelings can minimize with time but I'd be willing to bet that even when things are wonderful they do have a tendancy to surface.
Quote: Do you know any couples who have overcome their feelings of violation and betrayal, and gone on to have a better marriage?
currently I feel I now have a better marriage than I did before all this crapola. I feel I am dealing with the betrayal feelings etc. however fear still exists for me, I've let go of the resentment since there really is no point in looking at the negative thing that caused a positive change instead of simply enjoying the positive changes.
Quote: Has your opinion about the chances of a marriage surviving through infidelity changed from what you may have thought before it happened to you? Possibly went from "no way", to "maybe"?
unfortunatley not really, the raw realities of marriage and life were not hidden from me so I was and am still aware of what people tolerate in a m. After all at my pre-cana before getting married one of the work book questions was about infideltity...would it mean the end of your m. I answered not neccesarily. funny thing is that h answered yes and he was the one to have the ea and then leave as a result. For him the betrayer, what he had done was more detrimental, he thought it meant the end.
I can tell you now though that it is not something that I would tollerate again for any reason. There will be no exuses, no blaming, no second chances!! h is aware of this as well. I think that it is extremely important when faced with infidelity that the betraying partner understands that though they are forgiven for this indiscretion they will not be forgiven again.
