Where there is sadness, joy

[LolaL]

So after ten days, H finally called me. It was almost surreal, I had sent a message asking about our final hearing for the BK, which I am sure is next month, and he called. Spent twenty minutes on the phone with him just talking, with him asking me if anything was wrong, if I was okay. Typical of his pull back. But I am strangely peaceful, not hoping, just praying he is okay. That is all I can do for now. Then, yesterday he sent me a text, and we did the texting thing for a while. I find this all so ... typical. I have finally managed to get to a point where I am letting go. I still love him, don't get me wrong, but I also realize that I can't do anything more. I have held on for so long, and so I am letting go. I don't know if he feels it. But I know I feel better doing it. It is taking that final leap of faith, to know that whatever the decision is, it is out of my hands and in God's right now. I am finally to a place where i am making plans that do not include me thinking about him. And I am okay with that.

I don't know. Turns out he is not doing so well at work. He has been placed on some kind of structured hours because he was so behind and has been working sixteen hour days. When I reminded him of my b-day that week, he said oh sh*t, sorry, congratulations. I feel sad for him, that his life is so miserable, but no desire to try to make it better, mainly because I know I can't.

Oh well...