The past is not going to get any better or worse. I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened. What is past is all said and done. I will learn from the past and apply it to what is ahead in the future. What remains to be seen is what I can bring to my present and future.
GF40 and I watched the 2nd half of the movie "The Notebook" tonight. There was a very powerful scene in which Noah tried to talk Allie to come back and do the hard work to make a successfull relationship. Her fear was that no matter what she does somebody gets hurt. Noah told her to not care what others want, but asked her what she wants.
Watching that scene 6-8 months ago would have left me a crying mess. I've done that scene before with the STBXW many times. I've laid out all my emotions and life long dreams about us. I've wanted to do whatever was required to have her come back. And for over a year, the most I have gotten from her is uncertainty. Not once has she tried to say in person or on paper that she loves me. She has not ever wanted to open up and ask to come back. I was not going to guide her to take the steps to come back - that would have had to come from her to start the healing and rebuilding of trust.
In our short talk on Friday, I encouraged her a few times to speak all that is on her mind. I would think that if she really desired our marriage, that she would try to fight for it sometime along the way. The latest feeling I have is that she sees that it is now zero hour and she is scared of the uncertainty of her long term future.
