For the Guy with Kids and a WW Vinte (20)

[hopeful4her]

karen, I AM of afraid of losing her 100%.

Right now, we have been developing a relationship again, I think. At least baby steps towards it.

The wife did call me today. The first time was after I got home and I was kind of chilling. She was going over her benefits at work. Asking about this and if she should get that. Short term disability. Keeping a family dental, in case S14 needs braces. I talked about the insurance that I have that she is included on. If she should keep vision. She is increasing her life insurance,

"But don't kill me yet."
I said, "I won't. At least, not yet. I have to wait until the benefit changes."

She asked me about some other benefits she had thought about and I advised her not to. I asked if she had insurance on me and she said that yes, she does. We were on the phone for about 20 minutes going over her stuff. She had to go and she said she would call the girls when she got out.

She did call back as we were leaving to go into town and go to Target. I had told D11 that I would get her the "Twilight" book. I answered and she started to ask me if I knew anyone that wanted to buy tamales.

"BUY tamales?"
"Yeah, I'm going to make some more and sell them for $7 a dozen. I'm going to make bean and cheese and jalapeno, chicken, beef and deer."
"Really? I don't know. I guess I'll ask around."
"Ok. Can I talk to the girls?"

Only one person she is going to get deer from. Mr Hunter himself.

After D11 hung up, she told me that her mom told her that she was going to be off everyday except Monday. And that they might go shopping for a tree. A fake one, because the real ones shed so much.

The wife HAD told me that she was only taking off Friday and that the girls might spend the night Thursday so she could go hit sales that day. I got invited to a friends house for another dinner that we would all bring a dish to and that kids were invited. I was thinking of taking the girls that night after we all get off work. About 5 of us. Not sure what I'll do.

That one little statement screwed up the whole rest of my evening. "...and deer." I mean totally messed it up. All I could think about was them. The nice little life they have when she doesn't have the kids. And here I am. Lonely as hell. I had a really good day with the girls. A good night too. I made dinner. D7 helped me make cookies. I still had an emotional night. Feelings of hopelessness. Of rejection. Loneliness. The F'ing loneliness.

And I know she read my email tonight. For some reason, that brought me some peace.

Odd. It felt like a release, knowing she read it and watched the video. All of a sudden I felt better.

Is that odd?

Tomorrow is another day. I'm gonna pick up something to bbq and she can come pick up the kids tomorrow.